The advice that follows is most effective, and probably easiest, if done from the beginning – right after you have been promoted.

If you are past the first weeks or months, this list may help you identify the gaps that could improve your relationship and communication with others.

The Five Conversations

All five of these topics might be handled in one conversation, but more likely they will evolve over a (hopefully short) period of time. If you have been in your role for awhile, perhaps this will help you find areas for new or deeper conversations. Either way, success in these five conversations will lead to greater productivity, less stress and a better working relationship with your boss. Who wouldn’t want that?

Feedback.

We all know feedback can help improve in any area of our lives. Yet feedback doesn’t automatically help – it can be short sighted, unbalanced, unhelpful and ill-timed. Any of these challenges can reduce the value of the feedback you receive.

Enter the 360 evaluation or assessment.

The 360 evaluation provides 360 degrees of feedback (or perspective) for an individual – typically feedback from the boss, co-workers, direct reports and others as appropriate. The intent of a 360 evaluation is to reduce the challenges mentioned above. It’s meant to provide people with a balanced perspective on their performance – both what they are doing well and should continue and
the areas that would benefit from some improvement.

This feedback process can be an outstanding tool – if used intelligently. The rest of this Bonus Byte will help you select and use these tools for the greatest benefit.

The Mechanics

Most all 360 evaluations are done with a tool – either via pen and paper or (increasingly) using the web. This approach allows all the feedback to be summarized, reviewed in a variety of ways and remain anonymous.

While this is the most typical approach, 360 assessments also can be done in group settings with or without anonymity. I have both participated in and facilitated these types of sessions, and they too can be very effective. While the rest of this article focuses on the use of standardized assessment tools, the comments apply to using a group approach as well.

Choosing the Tool

There are a variety of 360 assessment tools available. While most all are well tested and excellent, you should select one based on your particular and specific needs. Consider the questions and areas of focus in relationship to your participants and their needs. Some tools are designed for leaders at all levels, some are more helpful for executives, some are for first line supervisors, some for team members, etc. If possible, review the questions to make sure they will provide helpful feedback to those who will be using the tool.

Also consider the process used to make sure it will fit into your culture and resource availability (how progress updates are communicated, who does the administration of the assessments, etc.).

Choosing the Participants

Choosing participants means two things: those who will be requesting feedback and those they choose as raters.

If you are planning to use this tool for yourself, consider your situation. Do you know the process and purposes of the tool? Is the timing right? For example if are not yet a supervisor, depending on the tool used, you might find some of the feedback less valuable, or if you have been in your role a relatively short time, you might get more useful feedback by waiting a bit longer. Make sure you are interested in and engaged in the process – if you go in skeptical, others may sense that and your attitude and outlook may significantly reduce the value of the process.

Next, you must decide who to invite to “rate” you. Some of the choices may be obvious – the tool will probably include feedback from your boss. Beyond that you likely have some discretion about who you select. To maximize the value of the process select raters who:

• Provide a broad perspective.
  Get co-workers and direct reports. Consider teammates, vendors or Customers if appropriate.
• Provide a balanced perspective.
  Don’t just include the co-workers that “like” you.
• Have enough experience and exposure to rate you.
  It is hard to rate someone when you don’t have enough experience with them. This challenge can often lead to skewed or difficult to understand feedback.

Selecting a Coach

Whatever tool you choose, it will create a report with a lot of data! To get the most out of this process, use a coach to help you accurately and dispassionately analyze the results and determine what it all means.

The right coach should understand the tool and the report it generates and have great coaching skills to help you maximize your learning from the feedback provided. Select a coach for both their skill and their fit with you.

Having a Follow-up Plan

Getting feedback, however it is received, is only as valuable as how it is used. While a coach may help you set up an action plan, that plan should be followed up with conversations between the participant and the boss. It is through these plans and the action they create that real improvement will come.

A 360 assessment can be a truly valuable tool when used correctly and for the right reasons. Understanding those reasons, and planning your approach as described here will help individuals and organizations get far more from this valuable feedback process.

Final note – If you or your organization would like to know more about our 360 assessment and coaching process, learn more on our website. 

As you clicked through to get this Bonus Byte or as you read the title of this article, you might have been wondering why this is about a personal development plan rather than a professional development plan. If you did wonder that, or if you are wondering it since I mentioned it, let me give you my perspective.

Since you are responsible for both your personal and professional development calling it a personal plan reminds you who is really responsible.

Do we all hope our organizations support our development in a wide variety of ways? Of course. And, many will. However, YOU are ultimately responsible.

No one benefits from your development as much as you do, and no one will care as much about it. Ultimately, it’s personal.

While there may be contextual differences between some personal and professional development, the fact is that as you become a better leader you become a better human being and vice versa.

This short document will focus more on your development at work and as a leader. However, these ideas could be applied to the rest of your life, and any facet of it that you choose.

Step 1 – Find or Build a Template

Your organization may provide you with a development planning tool. If so, great! Or, you may have one from a workshop or book you have read – also great! If not, you can find lots of choices through the magic of Google (or your favorite search engine).

Step 2 – Use Your Template

Yep, finding one isn’t enough, you have to fill it out. Regardless of the template you choose, consider
the questions below. Some may be covered on your form, some not. All of these will help
you create a more effective plan.

• What are the challenges I am facing in my job now (and with my promotion to leadership)?
• What do I see as my biggest strengths to capitalize on?
• What weakness in my skills or blind spots in my experience do I need to be aware of and work on?
• Where do I want to be in 2 years?
• Where do I want to be in 5 and 10 years?
• What adjustments will I need to make to reach those targets?
• What habits are helping me?
• What habits are hindering me?
• What help or resources do I need?
• What barriers do I need to overcome?What will I do first?

Step 3 – Share your Plan

The nature of your plan and the answers to some of the questions above will help you determine with whom to share your plan. In short, share it with:

• People who care about your success.
• People who can support, encourage or coach you.

Hopefully, your supervisor is at least one of those people. Even if you aren’t sure if he/she is, share your plan anyway. Being proactive about your development will show something about who you are – something that will very likely be appreciated. That act alone may improve your relationship with and increase his/her willingness to help you reach the goals you have set.

Step 4 – Apply Your Plan

It really isn’t about a plan, it is about action. Build a plan, but don’t obsess about it. Build a plan as a means to getting to action.

It’s time to get started!

As we were preparing to write From Bud to Boss, Kevin and I collected questions from workshop participants and Clients concerning the transition from peer to supervisor. In the process we got a pretty full list of questions.

To help you get a jump-start on what is in the book here are the questions and a brief answer for each:

How do I make discipline stick with my "friends?"

Here’s the bottom-line answer: In the workplace, discipline of a friend is the same as discipline for any other employee. Start the coaching process early – long before it becomes a discipline problem. If you start your feedback early and make your comments solely about workplace behaviors, results and interactions, then you should be able to navigate this challenge.

How do I get "lazy" people to work?

Very seldom are people truly “lazy.” In most instances, the problem you see is not laziness. Instead, it’s a lack of concern for the work at hand, a lack of interest or a lack of feeling a reward for doing the work. The key here is to look for the thing that interests the “lazy” person and find a way to communicate with him/her that ties his/her personal interests, goals and desires with the mission and work of the organization. Do that and the “laziness” will usually go away.

What is the best way for me to communicate with my peer leaders?

Get to know them, their preferred communication method (over coffee, at lunch, email, etc.) and their basic communication style (you will get insights on that in the Communication section). Then, start the process of connecting with them in the way that works best for them.

How do I get a better understanding of my new role/responsibility?

Speak with your supervisor, your peers, and the people you lead to build your understanding of what each of them expects of you in your new role. Once you know what people expect of you, you can develop a plan to make sure you are behaving and performing in a way that meets those expectations.We also recommend that you finish reading the book, get involved in the Bud to Boss Community and continue to seek personal and professional mentors who can help you to “learn the ropes.”

Who communicates my new role to others?

Ideally, your supervisor will do this. This communication will show the rest of the organization that you have your supervisor’s support.

How do I communicate with new peers that have been at this longer than me?

The answer to this question is similar to the one above about communicating with your new peers. If they have been a supervisor for some time, we recommend that you schedule some time to speak with them to get their perspectives and experiences. Even if you disagree with their approach or their results, you will learn something in the process.

How do I work with groups led by people with leadership styles different from mine?

The best answers to this question are contained in the content and Bonus Bytes in the Communication section of both the book and the Bud to Boss Community. Learn to understand their communication preferences, their concerns, their frustrations and their objectives. Then, work to connect with them on the basis that works best for them. In the process, you just might build some strong alliances and relationships with people who can help you see things from different perspectives.

How do I work with distant or virtual teams?

When you work with people at a distance, you have to work extra hard to build a good relationship and to communicate clearly. Fortunately, technology advances over the last few years make this much easier. Use the tools to your advantage. Video conferencing, web meeting, webinar and phone bridge line services can really help you to stay connected with you team. As much as your schedule and budget allows, create opportunities to meet face-to-face.

What can I do to deal with the grapevine?

First, recognize that it exists everywhere, and anything you do overtly to attempt to kill it could cause more trouble for you. We recommend: acknowledge it, talk about it and feed it good information. The bottom-line: strive for openness and honesty and the grapevine tends to go away on its own. (Look in the Change section Bonus Bytes for a complete Bonus Byte on dealing with the grapevine.)

How do I deal with multiple bosses?

The short answer: talk about it with both and get clear expectations from/for both. The key is open, honest, frequent communication with both bosses. Learning some assertive communication strategies (Chapter 40 and a Bonus Byte) also would help.

What can I do to deal with problem employees?

Once again, the issue comes back to clear communication of expectations and coaching them toward better behaviors and results. Remember to:

• Beware of labeling them as “problem employees.” The label in your mind can cause you to behave in ways that actually make the situation worse.

• Keep all of your comments, observations and coaching focused on things that are observable, objective and observable. (Behaviors and results rather than interpretations and feelings.)

How can I best delegate to my former peers?

Openly acknowledge the change in relationship, and state your expectations clearly. If they refuse to accept the delegation, you might have a performance problem to address.

How can I change the culture on my team?

This question is closely related to content in both the Change and Coaching sections. Start by identifying the people who are most likely to buy-in to the desired changes and work with them to gradually bring other people into the mix.

What am I supposed to say to an employee who says: "Your job should have been mine"?

This is a really dangerous situation. First, attempt to understand why they make that statement. Inquire more than you defend. Ask more than you justify. Ask questions. Listen carefully. Acknowledge any valid points they might make. Then, remind them – gently – that while they have valid points, you have a job to do and that you intend to do it.

How do I gain respect, trust and credibility in my new role?

There are many pieces to this question. The quick answer is that you tend to get from people what you give them. Show respect and give trust, and you will probably receive respect and trust.

What is the best way to communicate about difficult issues?

Privately is the first thought that comes to mind when I think of how to address difficult issues.

The second thought is to apply assertive strategies built on the idea of respecting the other person even if you have to deliver a difficult message. Do everything you can to keep anger, frustration and criticism out of the conversation.

How do I manage professionals?

Learn to address their specific issues and concerns, and they will work with you well. The idea behind working with professionals is no different from the ideas behind how you work with anyone else. Meet their needs, listen to their concerns, take care of any frustrations they have, and they probably will follow you.

How do I gain influence with my boss?

The answer is the same idea as the answer above. Your boss is just another person. People principles work with most people regardless of their background, training, experience or level in the company. The specific technique and word choice will be different. The concept is the same.

What do I do to build a high-performing work team?

Learn to diagnose where a team is in the process of moving from group to team. (More on this in the Collaboration section). Decide where you want the team to be in terms of interactions and results. Meet with the team to learn what they see and to communicate your goals. Take the time to understand and then build consensus for the hard work it takes to make any team great.

How do I separate my personal relationship with my team from my professional relationship with them?

Start this process by speaking with your team about what your new role will require of you. Talk about what the new role means for your relationships. Keep the communication open to avoid misunderstandings or misinterpretations of your “new” behaviors.

What if people perceive that I am showing favoritism toward my friends?

First, make sure you are not unconsciously showing favoritism. Then, speak with your friends to explain what‘s happening. Start drawing the line between your personal and professional relationships so you don’t do anything to fuel the fire.

How can I resolve conflicts between employees?

Have a face-to-face discussion with both people (yes, at the same time) to develop a plan for future behaviors and interactions that will address both people’s concerns.

How can I communicate with and motivate people who are different from me?

Learn to understand their communication and work style preferences and then speak and act towards them in ways that are comfortable for them. (More in the Communication section.)

What should I be doing to conduct better performance evaluations?

Do them more frequently and more focused on future behaviors than on past behaviors. Remember, performance evaluations are much more than an annual ritual you must endure. If you view them as part of your ongoing coaching relationship with your team rather than as a form and a meeting you must complete to satisfy your human resources representative, they can make a big difference for you and your team.

How do I get employees to buy in to my new role?

We’re coming back to open, honest communication and clear definition of expectations. When you know what people expect of you, they know what you expect of them and you deliver on those expectations, you will create buy-in.

What do I do to help people deal with change, and how do I communicate about changes to minimize resistance?

Recognize the emotional impact that change has on all people – including you. Acknowledge, talk about and make time for the emotional part of the change. When you make time for the emotion and focus on educating more than forcing, resistance tends to reduce.

How can I better understand other people’s needs?

The communication style model discussed in the book will help. In the end, talk with people. Get to know what they like to do when they’re not at work. Their behaviors tell you what they seek in terms of rewards, recognition and fun. Pay close attention. They will tell you.

You’ve gotten the promotion and now you are in the position of leading, supervising, and even giving performance feedback to a friend or friends, perhaps really good ones. At some point after the promotion, you realize that as great as the new job is, it is going to impact these relationships.

The impact may be small; it may be catastrophic. This brief Bonus Byte is designed to help you have a conversation with your friends, to set up a situation that will minimize the risk to your relationships while recognizing that they have changed.

Here are three steps to hopefully help this process be more productive and helpful:

1. Resolve to have the conversation
2. Plan for the conversation
3. Remain focused during the conversation

Resolve to Have the Conversation

While your mileage may vary, in our experience many times your friends don’t want to talk about your relationship post-promotion. The reasons could be many including:

• They don’t think it will be a big change.
• They are jealous of your promotion and don’t want to talk about it.
• They are afraid of what will happen.
• They are in denial.

This is a purposefully short list, meant to spur your thinking and to make you aware that people may not want to talk about changes to your relationship!

Recognize that timing also is important. You don’t likely want to have this conversation the day you’ve been promoted, or even the day you move into your new role. In those cases, perhaps neither of you is ready for those conversations. But don’t wait too long. The longer you wait, the more likely a problem might occur or a misunderstanding might develop.

If you have been in your role for awhile and that hasn’t happened yet, great! Even if there have been fractures in the relationship, having the conversation gives you a chance to revive and renew the relationship.

Plan for the Conversation

This may not be a simple or fun conversation, at least at the start, so some planning would be a good idea. Consider things like:

Decide where to meet.

You will figure out the best place, but a coffee shop, the lunch room or office might not be the best places.

Anticipate what is going on for them.

What emotions do you think they have? The conversation will uncover them for real, and it’s better to be thinking about that up front. In short, there are emotions that need to be a key part of the conversation, even if they are mostly positive.

Think about your needs and expectations for the working part of your relationship.

Know what you need and what you think is best. Figuring that out “on the fly” won’t serve either of you best.

Think about boundaries.

One way to frame the conversation might be to talk about boundaries and agreements. How often will we eat lunch together; what topics are fair to talk about or not; what kinds of requests are out of bounds? These are all things to think about before the start of the conversation.

Remain Focused During the Conversation

While planning is important, your focus and behavior during the conversation is the way you will most influence the outcome – positively or negatively. Here are some things to consider:

Be honest.

Enough said.

Let them talk.

You won’t learn much or create the environment you want if you do all the talking. Besides, if you do all the talking, a cynical friend might think you’ve taken too completely to your “boss” role.

Listen.

Let them talk and please pay attention to what they are saying. Get rid of the distractions and listen.
Be empathetic. Stay out of defensive mode. Some of the things they may share may hurt. Focus on their emotions and where they are.

Focus on the future.

The future is the only thing either of you can change, so make that your focus. There will be emotion about the past, perhaps a sense of loss. Discuss that, and then move on and talk about how your relationship, even if slightly different, can still be a great one in the future.

Nothing here is a guarantee – relationships are made up of complex factors (people, situations, past experiences and much more). Use this tool as it is meant – as a tool to help you plan for and participate in conversation with friends to preserve and maintain your relationships after the changes caused by your promotion to leadership.

Good luck!

Many leaders, especially those who are new to the role, struggle to find the balance between the task and people sides of leadership.

Task-oriented leaders tend to focus heavily on task accomplishment and goal achievement - sometimes at the expense of developing strong relationships with the people they lead. As a result, they run the risk of getting things done in the short-term in a way that limits long-term team effectiveness and productivity.

People-oriented leaders might focus too heavily on being liked or appreciated and shy away from holding team members accountable for productivity. This relationship focus can also lead to longterm negative impacts on team performance and productivity.

While certain leadership situations might call for a brief imbalance between the task and people sides of leadership, most environments call for balance. In the long-run, leadership is a task-and-people role rather than a task-or-people one.

To find the right balance between these two sides of leadership, you need to first develop a good understanding of your natural tendencies. There are two things you can do to develop this self-awareness:

1. Complete a DISC assessment (get a free one from the "Free Assessment" Bonus Byte)
2. Reflect on the type of feedback you tend to get from other people and the thoughts you frequently have as you work with your team. Here's some things to consider:

You probably tend towards a task focus if other people frequently say these types of things to you:

• "You really know how to get things done."
• "You're great at solving problems."
• "You really think things through."

And you might frequently think these types of things:

• "I wish they would focus."
• "Just make a decision."
• "Can we quit talking and get to work?"
• "They are too nice."
• "Why can’t they say no?"

You probably tend towards a people focus if other people frequently say these types of things to you:

• "You are so friendly."
• "You are so kind."
• "I just love talking with you."

And you might frequently think these types of things:

• "They need to smile more."
• "They need to lighten up."
• "They really should let it go. Good enough is good enough."
• "I could get more done if I had someone to talk with while I work."
• "I would be happy to do that if it helps someone."

If you have a more task-oriented perspective, getting things done, prioritizing tasks and focusing on results will probably come naturally to you. If you have a more people-oriented perspective, connecting with people, building relationships and encouraging people will probably feel more natural to you.

Neither of these perspectives is inherently good or bad, right or wrong. Remember, most people have a blend of these traits to varying degrees.

Regardless of your natural perspective, you can use it to become a remarkable leader.

Here are five suggestions to help you gain better balance (regardless of your orientation)…

If you are more task-oriented. . .

1. Remember to smile. Smiling communicates that you like people.
2. Seek - and take - opportunities to verbalize your thanks and appreciation for people and their contribution.
3. Listen to people when they tell you their stories. Be careful how you get back to work. Beware of turning away from people while they are still talking.
4. Make interacting with your team one of your daily to-do items. If you have to write "talk with team members" as a daily task so that you can feel accomplished by checking it off your list, do it. Complete this task early in the day.

Find someone you can trust to give you objective feedback on your leadership behaviors. Ask them to let you know when you slip into "hyper-task" focus.

If you are more people-oriented. . .

1. Write a daily to-do list and keep it in a place where you can see it. Read it several times a day.
2. Focus on achieving productive rather than friendship relationships with the people you lead. Productive relationships are usually friendly. Friendship relationships are not necessarily productive (in the workplace).
3. Remember that confronting poor performance will help the team even though it might be uncomfortable for you.
4. If organizing and planning are a challenge for you, find someone you can trust to help you get these tasks done. Depending on your situation, you might be able to delegate planning and organizing responsibilities or you might only be able to talk through the planning and organizing. In either case, you have found a person to help fill a gap so that you and your team can be more successful.
5. Find someone you can trust to give you objective feedback on your leadership behaviors. Ask them to let you know when you slip into "hyper-relationship" focus.

Use these suggestions to gain better task-people balance in your approach to leadership. In general, balance should be your goal rather than trying to "become" more task or people-oriented.

And, if you must err to one side or the other, it is generally better to err towards the people side.

Much has been written about delegation, and there are many great resources to help you improve those skills. Unfortunately, most of those don't mention the subtleties and challenges of delegating to your friends.

Beyond the delegation basics, here's a list of things you need to further consider, think about and plan for in order to masterfully delegate to your friends:

Be aware that there is a difference.

The differences will vary based on the particulars of your situation. The differences may be minor, or you may have much concern. Chances are if you are reading this you know there are some differences to consider!

Talk about the elephant in the room.

Both of you are likely struggling with the situation at some level. Talk about your concerns and feelings in an authentic way. Remember, you've been friends - talk about it!

Recognize and talk about the two hats you are wearing.

You have a friend hat and a boss hat. Talk about both of them; help realize that in this situation you are wearing the boss hat. While this should be obvious, often when we have a long standing relationship with someone that role difference can get lost.

Remember you have a relationship!

Your experience together and past relationship can be an asset, not just a problem. Think about the benefits the relationship brings not just the challenges!

Be assertive - don't procrastinate.

Most people delay doing things that seem hard or difficult. Don't let that be the case. Remember that delegation can be an opportunity for the other person. You want your friend to grow and succeed don't you?

Help them grow.

Delegation, done well, isn't dumping, but an opportunity for learning, growth and new exposure and experience for the other person. Remember this, and take the time to help your friend succeed with the new task.

When you apply these ideas, along with the delegation approaches you already know or are learning,
you will make delegating to your friend more comfortable and far more effective - for both of
you.

This Bonus Byte is a facilitation guide for the exercise you did in Chapter 12 of From Bud to Boss (page 72-76).

This exercise can be used to help a team better understand change choices in general or to help a team understand how team members are thinking about a specific change. The exercise will help them understand their thoughts and feelings about a change, and can then set the stage to help a team determine how to move forward more quickly.

Use this process as a guideline to help you facilitate this discussion:

1. Say: “Let’s start with this assertion: People don’t resist change, they resist being changed.”

• Share some examples and let the group discuss briefly.

2. Say: “Let’s explore the reasons people give for not changing or not wanting to change.”

3. Ask: “What are all the things people say or think about a change – specifically when they don’t agree with it or don’t want to change?”

4. Do: Spur additional thinking to make sure you get a full list. Allow people to have some fun with this and even be a little cynical.

5. Do: Capture all of the ideas that come up. Here is a list of possible answers – try to get most of  these – and all of the others you can from the group:

• Things are pretty good already.
• When something is good, why must we change?
• There’s no reason to rock the boat.
• I’m almost to retirement (and you can begin hearing this when people are in their mid 40’s).
• I don’t think that change will be an improvement.
• Change is too hard.
• I’d rather put up with the problems I know about than trade them for the unknown.
• Things are already working!
• I don’t think we can make that change happen.
• I don’t know what people are trying to accomplish.
• There are problems now, but they are no big deal.
• That may help the organization, but I don’t see how it will make my life/job any better.
• No one can tell me how we will get to the change.
• How do we get started?
• What is the plan? or There isn’t a plan to get there.
• It will cost too much.
• There is too much risk involved.
• I don’t think we need to be the first ones (to make this change).
• I agree with the need to change, but I want to see someone do it successfully first.
• This won’t be worth the effort.
• This will be too much work.

6. Say: “Before we do anything else with this list, let’s briefly discuss the four categories of the change choice.” (Use your book to help you explain these a bit.)

• Satisfaction with the status quo
• Vision for the future
• The first steps (or the plan)
• The costs and risks associated with the change

7. Do: Put the four categories as headings on a flipchart or areas of a white board.

8. Do: Have the group place the items from the list they previously created in one or more of the categories. (Pages 73-75 give you locations for some of the items you might have identified.)

9. Discuss: The implications and ideas that come from the resulting four lists.

10. Ask:

• What does this tell us about the challenges and hurdles we face with change?
• How can we use this information to move ourselves and others forward on this (or any) change?

As leaders, we are taught to be on the lookout for dissatisfaction. We learn quickly that dissatisfaction is the cause of many negative results: it causes people to leave; it causes people to become disgruntled; it causes problems of all sorts.

Because of these lessons, we learn to look at dissatisfaction as something to avoid, or something we wish or hope will go away.

However, on further study, I believe you will see dissatisfaction isn't to be avoided or something to be scared of. Rather, it is a natural human situation that should be understood, explored and even celebrated by leaders.

Celebrated?

Let me explain.

Dissatisfaction is simply a state where people wish something was better or different. It's a sense that the status quo isn't comfortable or in the best interest of that individual or group. Hence they become dissatisfied with the way things are.

Leadership is about moving people towards a result, an outcome or a goal. If the present situation was perfect, there would be no need for leaders — the status quo would be creating perfect results.

Since there is no "perfect" and nirvana exists only in fiction, leaders are required. And the leader's work is to move (or lead) people towards something better.

So, when you look at it through this lens, dissatisfaction is simply a precursor to change. When dissatisfaction doesn't exist - when we are in our comfort zone - choosing to change is very unlikely.

Leadership is about change.

Given this connection, you hopefully can see why celebrating dissatisfaction makes sense. Here
are some facts to consider about dissatisfaction:

• Dissatisfaction creates energy and interest in people. When it is strong enough they want to make a change of some sort.
• Dissatisfaction opens people's minds. When people sense growing dissatisfaction, they begin to look for ways to make things better - to move back to or towards a new comfort zone.
• Dissatisfaction provides an opportunity for change. As I've already stated, until people are dissatisfied with the way things are now, they are unlikely to want to change.

Using Dissatisfaction to Your Advantage

Now that you see the clear connection between dissatisfaction and change, here are six ways you
can use these facts to your advantage:

Stimulate conversation.

When you sense dissatisfaction it is an opportunity for you to ask questions
and engage people in conversation about their concerns, dissatisfaction and frustrations. If you
bury your head in the sand or avoid the issue, you increase the chance of getting the negative results
mentioned earlier. You won't have to think too long to find examples of this happening in
your life.

Create understanding.

Conversation can create understanding. As a leader, strive to understand the source(s), depth and potential impact of the dissatisfaction. This understanding will be helpful to you and the other person as well.

Offer the alternatives.

Once you understand the dissatisfaction you can help others find solutions. This can be a joint process or you can independently offer alternatives based on your view of the situation. Possible changes are the first step to alleviating dissatisfaction or transforming it into something positive.

Help people move toward the new future.

With your help, people can see a new future; one that removes or diminishes the dissatisfaction and creates a better future. As a leader it is your job to create a new future that benefits the organization and its customers. This is at the heart of our jobs as leaders, and dissatisfaction can be the impetus for making it happen. Without your help, especially at this point, dissatisfaction can lead to chaos. With this step, you can make change more positive and possible.

Help people get unstuck.

Understanding the dissatisfaction and seeing a new future isn't enough. People must also know how to get there. As a leader it is your job to help create a plan and a pathway towards the new future. Recognize this role and take it gratefully. You can help people become more satisfied and, in doing so, create better results for individuals and your entire organization. The added benefit is that you will build your credibility and effectiveness as a leader at the same time.

Dissatisfaction needn't be avoided or seen as a negative. Instead, view dissatisfaction as an opportunity
to create change and new results for everyone. When you do this, everyone wins, and you
are developing into an even more effective leader.

Status quo requires no leadership.

That has been a mantra of mine for a long time. It encapsulates an important point about the role of leaders — leaders are in the change business.

After all, if everything in your organization was perfect, there would be no need for leaders because there would be no new desired destination — you (or the organization) would have already arrived!

This means leaders must be students of change — how to create it, how to cultivate it, how to communicate it and how to champion it.

Change is defined by one critical component — the destination you are changing towards. This destination is often called the vision.

Let's be a bit more specific and call it a vision of a desired future.

This article discusses creating and communicating that vision of a desired future.

To start, you must understand that simply having a vision isn't enough. You must create a compelling vision. To be compelling, your vision must be:

• Positive
  Something others see as desired.
• Possible
  A destination people can see themselves reaching.
• Visual
  Something people can see.
• Vivid
  Crystal clear; the clearer the picture of the future, the better.

Now that you've created a compelling vision of a desired future, you need to communicate that vision. There several factors that will help you successfully communicate your vision for change.

Remember that the most effective communication is others focused. When people own the vision it is more compelling. People are always excited about a change that they conceived and created. So, rather than creating a vision of a desired future for people let them co-create it. Yes, it might not look exactly as you intended, and, yes, it might take a little more time. However, while both of those things are true, it’s also true that you will achieve more change faster. Better to go a bit slower at the beginning and accelerate later, don't you think?

The easiest way to communicate benefits is to ask about them. Once the vision is created, ask questions like:

• How will this change benefit you?
• What about this vision excites you?
• How will achieving this vision make your life easier, or better?

You may see benefits they don’t see, and you can certainly suggest those. And, your suggestions will be more powerful and accepted if they come after you ask them for their thoughts!

People don't argue with their own data. Read that sentence again.

These last two points work because people don't argue with their own data. Stop thinking that communication is only about you talking. Stop trying to communicate with the perfect PowerPoint slides. Stop assuming everyone reads every word of every email you send. Start engaging people in a conversation about a desired future state!

Once you have these factors in your favor it is infinitely easier to communicate a vision - because it is now their vision. Now your task is to help clarify and refine it - and get more excited about it.

Here are a couple of ways to do that:

Remove barriers — now and in the future.

As a leader, through your actions, you can be the person who helps them see the vision is reachable, or possible. Your role is to encourage and help people see the future vision through successful change.

Maintain the conversation.

That is right - you have to keep having the change conversation. Your work in communicating change doesn't end, at least not until you reach the vision. Then it starts over towards a new destination. Keep people thinking about and talking about not just the changebut that beautiful desired destination.

There is more of course.

Nothing as complex as change or communicating change can be described or summarized in 700 words.However, don't be fooled by the brevity either - using these ideas will make a difference in how successful you will be in creating real change.

You don't want the status quo, so it is time to lead.

Let me be clear – books have been written and people have made their life’s work the study of creating successful change, including change plans. To assume this quick piece will summarize all of that wisdom would be folly. Fortunately, that isn’t the goal.

Rather, the goal is to give you a few key ideas to include in all your change plans. Ideas that will always help your plans be more effective.

Identify the messages of the innovators.

Certain people are more open to change in general. These innovators will pick up your message and likely be the first on board. Make sure your message and plan speaks to them. In other words, don’t try to convince your most stubborn adherents to the status quo first.

Consider all four components in your plan.

Make sure your change plan (and communications) addresses more than just a plan, but also the level of satisfaction with the status quo, the vision for the future and discuss how this plan reduces the risks associated with the change.

Focus on the few and the first.

Yes, you need a complete plan. And, if your change or project is of any size, you know it will adjust and change. While you need to build the full plan, put the most emphasis, include the most specifics and talk the most about the first steps. Make sure they are clear, actionable and possible.

Get input on the plan.

Regardless of how “good” and “accurate” your plan is, it will be less effective until people believe in and care about it. The best way to do that is to include others in the creation of both the full plan and the first steps. Take their concerns and ideas into account. This will not only give you a better plan, it also will engender more commitment and ownership to the plan (and to the change itself).

Keep the vision front and center.

I know I already briefly mentioned this, but it is critical. Your plan should be clearly pointed to and in alignment with your vision for the post-change world. Doing this keeps people focused, helps them trust the plan and, specially if they like the vision, become bigger advocates for the change.

Chapter 12 talks about the four components of a choice to change:

• Satisfaction with the status quo
• Vision for the future
• The first steps (or the plan)
• The costs or risks associated with the change

There are many comments and things people will say that will give you a big clue as to why they aren’t yet choosing to change. However, sometimes you (as the leader) will still be confused – either they aren’t talking or you aren’t listening or some combination of the two.

If you are confused, this brief, but important, Bonus Byte gives you some specific questions to help you understand which components are keeping them from making the choice to change. Ask them, then shut up and listen. You might learn something!

• What are your concerns regarding this change?
• How pleased are you with the status quo?
• Are you having any current problems with [insert topic relating to the change issue]?
• What challenges or frustrations do you have?
• What do you wish for in this situation?
• What is the difference between “fine” and “great” for you?
• What does perfect look like to you?
• What concerns do you have with the plan for the change, if any?
• What have we left out or ignored?
• What risks do you see in the plan?
• What risks do you see in the change?
• What is bothering you about the change?
• What worries you?

This is not a complete list, and most likely will need to be adapted to your situation. You may not choose to use them verbatim. You also likely wouldn’t ask them rapid fire, one after the other. Rather, use this list as a checklist and a starting point to open a conversation that will help you and others better understand current thoughts and feelings about change.

What images, thoughts and feelings come to mind when you think of or hear the word "salesperson"?

• Stereotypical, slick-talking, used car sales people
• Well-spoken financial manager
• The guy everyone loves who sells his wares on the golf course

Whether you have positive thoughts and feelings about salespeople or decidedly un-positive, the purpose of this article is not to suggest or defend any of these images or thoughts. Rather, my purpose is to state an iron-clad fact:

Leaders are salespeople.

And, more importantly, great leaders are great salespeople.

You may not buy my idea (after all, I am trying to sell it to you, but keep reading I plan to succeed).

If you don't buy this premise it's probably because you have some beliefs/images/thoughts about sales people that contradict your beliefs/images/thoughts about leaders.

If you already buy my idea then you will love what's to come. If you don't, then let's see if I can change your mind by the end of this article ...

Salespeople can't make you do anything; neither can leaders.

Both realize they can inspire and inform, and they recognize the ultimate choice to take action belongs to the customer or follower. Great salespeople and leaders also realize that when they remember this fact they are less frustrated and more successful.

Salespeople are selling a vision and ideas; so are leaders.

You may think salespeople are selling a product or service, but the truth is they are selling a vision of what that product or service will do or
how it will make people feel as a result ownership. As leaders help people to see a vision of something different in the future, they are doing the same thing.

Salespeople know they are in the relationship business; so do leaders.

Neither a great salesperson nor a great leader focuses on becoming friends with his/her Customers/followers, but all focus on building meaningful and trusted relationships. Why? Those relationships make their work easier and far more rewarding.

Salespeople realize they are in the change business; so do leaders.

If no one buys, nothing changes. If no one follows, there isn't much leadership. To be successful, salespeople and leaders study and understand individual and group/organizational change.

Salespeople are influencers and persuaders; so are leaders.

Notice I didn't say manipulators, but influencers and persuaders. When you sum up the other four points above you come up with influence.

Are there manipulative, short-sighted salespeople?

Of course. (The same can be said about some portion of the leader population.)

But, are those the salespeople that create long term success for themselves and their Customers?

Not at all. (Not in the leader population either)

The best salespeople are persuasion experts who influence through relationships, insight, great communication skills, understanding people and more. They strive to support and improve the lives of those they sell to, knowing when they do they have created a Customer for life.

Read that sentence again, and with just a couple of changes . . .

The best leaders are persuasion experts who influence through relationships, insight, great communication skills, understanding people and more. They strive to support and improve the lives of those they lead, knowing when they do they have created a follower for life.

Those are just five reasons why the best leaders are great salespeople.

Regardless of what you might have been thinking at the start of this article, it is time to embrace your inner salesperson. But only if you care about being a more effective leader.

Whitfield and Strong wrote it. Marvin Gaye sang it (and made it famous). Leaders everywhere deal with it — and worry about it all too often.

If you know the song, I Heard it Through the Grapevine, hum along as we talk about how leaders can work with the grapevine and make gossip less daunting and scary.

The subtitle gives you a little context - gossip can be detrimental to morale and productivity and can lead to stress, anxiety and worry. After all, when was the last time you heard positive gossip?

If you have something that can cause all those problems, as a leader it is your responsibility to reduce or eliminate that situation - or even better, use gossip to your advantage rather than peril.

Let's get started . . .

Using it

In the military, operatives are used to gain "intel" on what the enemy is thinking, doing or planning. Clearly people on your team and in your organizations are not the enemy, but keeping your ears open and being aware of what gossip and ideas are floating around is like gaining valuable intelligence about the pulse and concerns within the organization.

Knowing that, why wouldn't you want to be tapped in?

Perhaps you believe gossip is destructive and non-productive. Even if you feel that way, there is value in knowing what is being talked about and how people feel about it. It's hard to reduce the presence of something you are unaware of, so use gossip as the first step in reducing it.

Take a clue from the song - you need to hear it through the grapevine. Only then can you trim the grapevine or even pull it out by its roots.

Reducing it

A grapevine grows quickly and spreads its newest stems to whatever it can attach itself to. That is probably why the metaphor of the grapevine has long been used to describe gossip. If as a leader you recognize the potential concerns or problems with the grapevine, you must keep your pruners at the ready - looking for ways to reduce its growth and reach.

Where the grapevine metaphor falls apart is in how it grows. A grapevine grows with ample light — the newest growth stretches toward the light. Gossip, however, grows in the darkness — with the lack of understanding and communication. Knowing this, the best way to reduce the spread of gossip is to expose it to constantly updated information.

Here are three specific ideas:

• Acknowledge it.
  Starting a conversation with "I've been hearing rumblings that . . ." or otherwise "outing the gossip" (not the gossipers) is a powerful way to reduce the gossip's spread.
• Ask about it.
  Perhaps what you are hearing isn't all that is being said. Once you put the messages on the table you open up the other person (or the team) to share what else you haven't yet heard.
• Address it.
  Talk about what you are hearing. If the gossip is incorrect, say so. If the gossip is partly correct, say so, and fill in the blanks as best you can.

Gossip can't grow nearly as fast with communication from leadership. If you want to reduce the amount and impact of gossip, the more information you can provide, the better.

Eliminating it

Knowing the critical point hinted at in the previous section is the key to eliminating gossip and the grapevine.

Consider frequent, honest and complete communication as the shovel that will help you uproot your internal grapevine. Here, in tangible language, is what I mean:

Talk early.

Many gossip grapevines grow because leaders are afraid to share information on a change or project until they have all the information. While the intention here is fine, the reality is that in the space where your communication should be, your grapevine is growing. Tell people what you know when you know it.

Yes, there may be things you have to withhold for legal or other reasons, but that list is far shorter than you think. Tell people what you know when you know it, and let them know when you will be able to say more.

Talk often.

Don’t make your information come in infrequent bursts. People crave information - and without it they will make it up themselves! Talk more frequently, even if you don't feel you have very much to say.

Ask questions.

The first two points say talk - but they shouldn't be misinterpreted as one-way communication. Create early and frequent chances for conversation - spend as much time asking about and listening to concerns as you do in making your key points. Talk yes, but ask and listen too!

Be honest.

If you don't know something yet, tell them. If the decision is made, tell them. If you know when an announcement will be made, tell them. Your honesty will go far in building trust, and trust acts like a herbicide to keep new vines from starting to grow.

These ideas will work with gossip new and old, big and small.

Your efforts may not eliminate all of your gossip immediately (it is hard to kill any plant that is deeply rooted), but using these approaches vigorously, intentionally and authentically will make a difference.

Celebration is often a challenging topic for leaders. They wonder if they should celebrate and when they should celebrate. They waffle between "we don't need to celebrate, people know we are succeeding" and celebrating every, single, little thing along the way.

The best answer (as is the often the case) lies somewhere in the middle.

Celebration is important and it can be overdone.

Most of the conversation and consternation is typically about celebrating (or not celebrating) success. However, the element of celebration most often forgotten is celebrating progress towards a goal.

Why celebrate progress?

You should consider celebrating progress for two basic reasons - focus and momentum.

In the midst of long projects or in the pursuit of big goals, focus can get lost. People can be so busy that they miss the progress. They are so busy in the forest that they miss the trees they have just passed or chopped down. When you recognize progress it helps renew focus while re-energizing the team.

In addition, the intangible momentum that is so easily seen in the athletic world is just as real in your business or organizational pursuits. Celebrating progress is one way to create and sustain momentum towards your goals.

So, the question is, how do you do it?

I've separated the dozen suggestions here into two categories - the results components (basically what and when to celebrate) and the process components (how to actually celebrate). Let's get right to them.

Results Components

Base it on milestones.

In order to celebrate progress, you must know what progress you have made. Any good project plan (that's an article in and of itself) will have milestones attached to it. Look at those upfront, and determine when might be good celebration points. Of course how the project is going in real life and in real time may alter your plan, but start with a celebration plan attached to the most important or strategic milestones.

Get the group involved.

Have other people let you know when a celebration might be needed, and get them involved in both the celebration planning and execution. When people feel ownership it will be more meaningful and real. I'm not suggesting abdication or total delegation, but a collaborative process.

Don't be shy.

It is OK to celebrate! Let people know how much you appreciate their effort and progress.

Keep the celebration in perspective.

The celebration is of progress and that should be clearly stated. It's important that people know that you aren't done yet.

Really celebrate.

Balancing the previous point, don't make the celebration a veiled attempt to get people to work harder. Any message that sniffs of "we've made good progress, but it is time to redouble our efforts" will be seen cynically, and may have a negative impact on morale and productivity.

Be authentic.

Let people know how much you appreciate their effort and progress. If you aren't really feeling it, perhaps better to delay the celebration until you do - or until you get yourself a leadership attitude adjustment (another great article topic!).

Process Components

Have food.

The way to a man's heart may very well be through his stomach . . . and . . . any celebration is better with food. Your situation will dictate how fancy or informal it is, but having food always makes a celebration better.

Make it an event.

It needn't be big or elaborate, but it needs to be an event! Make sure people know when it is, and make it a priority that they be involved. A celebration should be an event.

Think about where.

While you could do your celebration anywhere, progress celebrations especially are often done when people feel they are still busy with the work. Creating the celebration onsite may balance people's need to "keep working" with the need you see for celebration.

Think about when.

When to celebrate will really be dependent on the demographics of your group, their habits and the culture of your organization. You might consider your celebration first thing in the morning, at lunch or, even, after hours away from the office. Use the wisdom and advice of others to make this decision, rather than following your own personal preferences.

Consider gifts.

Gifts can be a great addition to your celebration. How about a t-shirt, a gift card or something else? Again, culture and preferences will play a role here - get others involved so gifts is perceived as valuable (not just ANOTHER coffee mug or pen). Remember to make sure the value of the gift is congruent with the point of progress.

Symbols are powerful.

Symbols are really a form of gift, but perhaps with less utility. Plaques, certificates or a hundred other things can be powerful reminders of the appreciation and progress that have been made.

Hopefully these 12 suggestions will help you make your celebrations of progress more successful and meaningful. Remember when used effectively celebrations can create focus, momentum and even greater morale and productivity.

Princeton University's WordNet 2.1 defines resistance as the action of opposing something that you disapprove of or disagree with. If you make a short list of things you like, relish or love, I doubt the word resistance will show up on your list.

Resistance isn't something that most of us cherish or are drawn to - at least personally. True, some may enjoy observing resistance as a third party to it - which could be one explanation for boxing, professional wrestling and the success of the Jerry Springer Show - but few of us look for or enjoy resistance.

Which is why we so often choose to avoid it.

Here are seven major reasons why people tend to avoid resistance.

We are taught to avoid it.

As kids, we are taught to agree - or at least get along - with our teachers, our parents, other authority figures and other kids (or at least not make our disagreement or disapproval public), and while the purposes for these behaviors might not be completely about resistance (they may also be about respect among other things), most people seem to connect the lesson to avoiding resistance. In fact, there is a common phrase that reinforces this teaching - "taking the path of least resistance."

We don't want to be called names.

Extensions of the "that's what I was taught" reasoning are the thoughts that “I don’t want to rock the boat, or cause a scene.” If you avoid resistance the boat may stay stable, but if you do confront issues, propose potential changes or just not agree with someone you might be called names – like "rebel" or "troublemaker."

We think resistance is a bad thing.

If you think all mushrooms you see in the woods are poisonous, you'll avoid them. If you think all Clint Eastwood movies are Westerns and you don't like Westerns, you'll avoid anything starring Clint. Likewise, if your belief is that resistance is inherently negative, you'll tend to avoid it.

We take it personally.

If someone resists your idea, you might take that resistance as a personal attack. Have you ever been told your idea was stupid or that your approach wouldn't work? Even if the comment wasn't a personal attack, it often leaves us feeling that way. Since most people don’t like to be attacked (even verbally), logically, you can avoid that feeling by avoiding the resistance.

We don't know how to deal with it.

If you have long avoided resistance, you might not know how to deal with it in a positive and constructive way. Resistance is like many other things, if you don't have knowledge and the proper tools, you might shy away from it.

We think it will lead to conflict.

For many people resistance and conflict are synonymous. And if you don’t like conflict and see it as the necessary outcome of voicing your resistance; you'll likely avoid the resistance in the first place.

We think avoiding it is the easiest approach.

Humans are basically lazy. Since most people consider "the path of least resistance" to be the equivalent of the "easiest path", that is often the one selected. It only makes sense, after all, to avoid something we think is bad and that would be difficult to do something about anyway, right?

So is all of this avoiding such a bad thing?

Generally, to be blunt, yes.

Why?

Resistance promotes growth. In the physical world without an opposing force (resistance) we couldn't strengthen our muscles.

In the interpersonal world, resistance is a sign of energy; energy that can be used in positive ways, but only if it is explored.

If no one disagrees with a new idea (offers some resistance) will a better idea be found?

Without opposition (or resistance) how many new products would be created?

Without some admission of problems (a sign of resistance) will teams or relationships ever be revitalized?

Ask yourself which of the excuses outlined above have you used in the past, and how would you benefit from overcoming your urge to avoid some resistance today?

Get your free DISC assessment

If you want to tell your friends and associates about it, please direct them to:

www.discpersonalitytesting.com

The free assessment is an abbreviated assessment/report combination.

At our DISC assessment site, you can also take a full assessment if you would like a more complete report.

Get your full DISC assessment

Have each team member complete the free DISC profile.

Here's the link to the where you can get your free DISC assessment.

For more detailed information, you can get a more complete report by using one of the paid assessments at www.discpersonalitytesting.com.

Collect the assessment results and plot each person on the attached team DISC chart.

Precisely where each person’s dot is plotted is not the focus of this exercise. Rather, the intent is to get an overall view of how the team behaves and interacts.

Explain the model to all of your team members using the descriptions in From Bud to Boss.

Be careful with your explanation. Remember to use the tool to understand people rather than to label people.

Using the team chart, continue discussion with your team about what the team chart tells you about team behaviors.

For example, is the team more outgoing or more reserved, more task-oriented or more people-oriented? A few questions to consider in your discussion:

• What do these tendencies reveal about team strengths and blind-spots?
• What behaviors or decision making tendencies are natural strengths for the team?
• What behaviors or decision making tendencies does the team need to beware of?
• What interactions in the team are possible trouble areas?
• What interactions in the team are working well?
• What interactions with other teams are possible trouble areas?
• What interactions with other teams are working well?

Talk about how the team can make the best use of its strengths and how to compensate for areas where it is not quite as strong.

The descriptions below offer some insights and perspectives on some common issues in relationships/interactions between two people with the listed primary communication styles.

Dominant-Dominant

Both people in this interaction are strong-willed, speak directly, and have a bottom-line focus. When they agree on a direction, the interaction can be very powerful and productive. When they disagree, the conversation will likely be resolved quickly.

Because both parties have a task orientation, they both tend to build relationships by doing things together. When they are working together towards a common goal, they will get a great deal of work done, and they will work well together.

Strengths

• Mutual task focus can lead to high levels of productivity and accomplishment.
• They can resolve conflicts quickly because both parties are willing to voice their opinion and both focus on action over feelings.

Potential Challenges

• The strong-will and decisiveness they share can lead to conflict if they see the problem or the solution differently.
• Both parties willingness to engage in conflict can create an environment for other people in the area – those not involved – that feels aggressive even though there is little or no real animosity between the two dominant style individuals.

Dominant-Inspiring

Both people in this interaction have a fast pace and an inclination towards action and involvement.  There is usually a good pace match between them. Their struggle may come in the task vs. people focus between them.

The inspiring style person might interpret the dominant style person’s directness as indicating dislike. The dominant style person might interpret the inspiring style person’s story-telling and enthusiasm as lack of focus and direction.

Strengths

• Mutual outgoing natures can lead to high levels of productivity and accomplishment.
• Both people are likely to voice their opinions and create dialogue about problems rather than withdraw and leave issues unaddressed.

Potential Challenges

• The dominant person might hurt the inspiring person’s feelings and create a breakdown in communication that leads to inaction.
• The inspiring person might frustrate the dominate person with stories and enthusiastic interaction.

Dominant-Supportive

This can be a very challenging interaction combination. These two styles have very little common ground to use to improve their communication. It will likely take some effort on both parts to make this combination work.

When it does work, this is a powerful combination. They can help to cover each other’s blind-spots for greater combined effectiveness.

Strengths

• The difference between their perspectives allows each person to recognize issues that the other person might easily miss.
• Together, they can get things done in a way that protects relationships throughout the team.

Potential Challenges

• The dominant person might hurt the supportive person’s feelings with their bottom-line, confrontational style and create a breakdown in communication that leads to inaction.
• The supportive person might frustrate the dominate person with reluctance to act and focusing heavily on feelings over accomplishment.

Dominant-Cautious

This can be either a powerful or a challenging interaction combination. Because both people have strong task tendencies, they can see the same issues and solutions clearly. Or, their pace difference could create tension and frustration for both of them.

When it does work, this is powerful combination because they get a great deal of high-quality work done.

Strengths

• Their mutual task focus and different pace perspective allows them to find well-thought out solutions to tough problems.
• They can often communicate easily because both people focus on task accomplishment and problem solution.

Potential Challenges

• The dominant person can get frustrated with the cautious person’s analysis before acting.
• The cautious person might get frustrated when the dominant person acts before collecting all of the information the cautious person desires.

Inspiring-Inspiring

Both people in this interaction love to talk, tell stories and have fun. This can be an easy and free-flowing combination.

Because both parties have a people orientation, they both tend to build relationships by talking and interacting. This can become a barrier to task accomplishment if it gets out of control.

Strengths

• They will probably like each other and communicate easily.
• They will often see the same issues and connect quickly with each other.

Potential Challenges

• Because they like to talk and interact, they might lose focus on task accomplishment and confuse talking about a problem with solving a problem.
• They might frustrate each other as each person tries to take center stage in the relationship.

Inspiring-Supportive

Their common people focus often makes this an easy communication combination.

Sometimes, their pace difference can become a frustration. However, this is not often the case.

Strengths

• They will probably like each other and communicate easily.
• They will often see the same issues and connect quickly with each other.

Potential Challenges

• Similar to the Inspiring-Inspiring combination, they might lose focus on task accomplishment and spend time interacting rather than taking action.
• Sometimes their pace differences can create problems as the inspiring person wants to be more active and the supportive person wants to sit back and wait.

Inspiring-Cautious

Like the Dominant-Inspiring combination, this is a cross-style combination, and it can be a very challenging. These two styles have very little common ground to use to improve their communication. It will likely take some effort on both parts to make this combination work.

When it does work, this is powerful combination. They can help to cover each other’s blind-spots for greater combined effectiveness.

Strengths

• The difference between their perspectives allows each person to recognize issues that the other person might easily miss.
• Together, they can find creative solutions to problems that are well supported by analysis.

Potential Challenges

• The cautious person might hurt the inspiring person’s feelings with many questions that sound critical and attacking from the inspiring person’s perspective.
• The inspiring person might frustrate the cautious person with their free-flowing, unstructured communication style.

Supportive-Supportive

This will likely be an easy and friendly interaction combination. They will probably see and focus on the same issues.

The danger is that they can be so focused on supporting and helping that they fail to initiate action plans.

Strengths

• Their mutual kind and helpful nature will probably make this communication combination low stress.
• They are both sensitive to other people’s feelings.

Potential Challenges

• They could fail to take action if they get so focused on helping and supporting that neither of them pushes for action.
• If hurt feelings or miscommunications do happen, it could spiral out-of-control because neither person wants to talk about it.

Supportive-Cautious

This will often be a good communication combination. Since they both have a slower approach to communication, they are both careful with what they say.

Like the Supportive-Supportive combination, they might fail to initiate action plans as the supportive person does not want to push too hard and the cautious person analyzes before acting.

Strengths

• Their mutual quiet nature often makes it comfortable for both to communicate with the other.
• Both sides of this interaction often consider their words carefully. So, there is a good chance that they will communicate clearly.

Potential Challenges

• The supportive person’s focus on feelings might frustrate the cautious person.
• The cautious person’s factual, logical approach might seem cold and uncaring to the supportive person.

Cautious-Cautious

This will often be a good communication combination because of the similar focus.

Because both are likely confident in their ability to collect and evaluate information, they can sometimes get locked in debate and analysis that leads to inaction and conflict rather than action.

Strengths

• Their mutual analytical nature often makes it unlikely that they will miss an important technical detail.
• Both sides of this interaction often consider their words carefully. So, there is a good chance that they will communicate clearly.

Potential Challenges

• The lack of people focus in this interaction could cause them to miss the emotional or relational impact their communication style has on other people.
• They can get into a “who’s more right” type of debate that has no real end.

When you write emails and other business correspondence, remember to keep the DISC style of the recipient in mind. Use the general communication tips mentioned in From Bud to Boss as you decide how to best communicate your message.

Keeping the general principles in mind, here is an additional tip you can apply to strengthen the power of your written communications.

Put the main points and conclusions in bullet point or really short paragraph form at the top of the email or letter and all supporting information below it.

Here’s my thinking on this tip.

Outgoing, fast-paced people don’t usually want to wade through the details to get to the conclusion. They will likely skim what you wrote and then miss or misunderstand your point if you bury it towards the end.

Reserved, slower-paced people will probably want the supporting information. And, even they will probably skim the bullets first to decide if reading the details is worth their time.

Do your reader a favor, get to the point and then support it. Don’t build a case and then conclude.

What if you need to build a case before you give a conclusion?

If that’s your situation, I would question whether an email or letter was the best way to do that particular communication.

Your quick pace and task focus can serve you well in problem solving and decision making situations.

You probably have a powerful and dynamic communication style that projects confidence and decisiveness.  This style can serve you well as a leader, and it can carry some potential challenges.

When you work with other people who have dominant traits, you may not have to do much adjusting at all. When you work with people who have less dominant traits, you might need to make some adjustments.

In order to maximize your strengths in a way that does not push them to an extreme so that they become a barrier to effective communication, you can…

Focus on…

• Slowing down
• Listening
• Providing more details about how you reached your conclusions
• Giving people time to finish their thoughts
• Noticing and respecting the feelings that other people express

And, beware of your tendency to…

• Draw quick conclusions from what people say
• Interrupt others
• Press a point
• Jump to action before collecting sufficient detail
• Speak in bullet points

If you do not have strong Dominant traits, understanding how to communicate with someone who does have these traits can sometimes be difficult.

Here are a few practical tips to help you better adapt your communication strategies.

Remember to …

• Get quickly to the point.
• Use short sentences.
• Focus on results and action.
• Give them options/choices if at all possible.
• Respect their ability to take charge and make decisions.
• Speak about solving problems, making things happen, and getting results.
• Tell them what you want done rather than how you want it done.

While the specific situation – your relationship with them and the environment you are in – always affects how you communicate with any person, here are some examples of how to speak so that a person with dominant traits finds it easier to engage with and listen to what you have to say:

• “The bottom-line is this… I recommend that we do….”
• “I really respect your ability to get things done. That’s why I’m asking you to solve this problem.”
• “I think…” (Direct, short statement of your thoughts.)
• “This approach will be the fastest way to get results.”

These tips are suggestions to help you adjust your communication to better fit a person with strong dominant traits. As you apply these tips, remember that everyone is a blend of all four traits and that few people are easily represented by only one style.  For example a person with mostly dominant and inspiring traits will perceive things a little differently than a person with mostly dominant and cautious traits.

Remember also that the intensity or strength of any trait also affects how people see, hear, and interpret the messages they receive.  For example, a person with a very high degree of dominant traits will likely see things a little differently from someone with only moderately high dominant traits.

Ultimately, you need to understand the whole perspective of any person you want to communicate with effectively. These tips should help you get “in the ballpark.”

Your quick pace and people focus can serve you well when you need to connect with and inspire other people.

You probably have a friendly and interactive communication style that projects energy and enthusiasm.  This style can serve you well as a leader, and it can carry some potential challenges.

When you work with other people who have inspiring traits, you may not have to do much adjusting at all. When you work with people who have less inspiring traits, you might need to make some adjustments.

In order to maximize your strengths in a way that does not push them to an extreme so that they become a barrier to effective communication, you can…

Focus on…

• Slowing down
• Listening
• Making a point when you tell a story
• Letting others finish their statements
• Making factual statements

And, beware of your tendency to…

• Interrupt others
• Leave out important details
• Tell long, elaborate stories
• Exaggerate
• Lose focus on what others are saying

If you do not have strong Inspiring traits, understanding how to communicate with someone who does have these traits can sometimes be difficult.

Here are a few practical tips to help you better adapt your communication strategies.

Remember to …

• Listen to their stories and smile.
• Show enthusiasm when you speak.
• Show that you like them.
• Give them examples/stories/experiences so they can relate to what you are saying.
• Recognize their ability to connect with others.
• Speak about excitement, interactions/interacting with others, and possibilities (dreams).
• Give them more experiences and less data.

While the specific situation – your relationship with them and the environment you are in – always affects how you communicate with any person, here are some examples of how to speak so that a person with inspiring traits finds it easier to engage with and listen to what you have to say:

• “This is the really exciting part…”
• “I really admire how you connect with people. That’s why I feel like you’re the right person for this job.”
• “This will be fun!”
• “I like working with you.”

These tips are suggestions to help you adjust your communication to better fit a person with strong inspiring traits. As you apply these tips, remember that everyone is a blend of all four traits and that few people are easily represented by only one style.  For example a person with mostly inspiring and dominant traits will perceive things a little differently than a person with mostly inspiring and supportive traits.

Remember also that the intensity or strength of any trait also affects how people see, hear, and interpret the messages they receive.  For example, a person with a very high degree of inspiring traits will likely see things a little differently from someone with only moderately high inspiring traits.

Ultimately, you need to understand the whole perspective of any person you want to communicate with effectively. These tips should help you get “in the ballpark.”

Your steady pace and people focus can serve you well when you need to connect with and help other people.

You probably have a friendly and easy communication style that projects kindness and concern for others.  This style can serve you well as a leader, and it can carry some potential challenges.

When you work with other people who have supportive traits, you may not have to do much adjusting at all. When you work with people who have less supportive traits, you might need to make some adjustments.

In order to maximize your strengths in a way that does not push them to an extreme so that they become a barrier to effective communication, you can…

Focus on…

• Expressing yourself
• Speaking directly and confidently
• Taking action
• Deciding
• Getting results

And, beware of your tendency to…

• Remain silent
• Agree just to keep the peace
• Withdraw from potential conflicts
• Shutdown
• Apologize for things beyond your control

If you do not have strong Supportive traits, understanding how to communicate with someone who does have these traits can sometimes be difficult.

Here are a few practical tips to help you better adapt your communication strategies.

Remember to …

• Speak calmly, softly, and slowly.
• Give them time to prepare before you ask for their input.
• Be careful with your hand gestures and facial expressions.  People with supportive traits are often sensitive to body language clues that look like anger or aggression – rapid hand movements, pointing fingers, etc .  If they perceive anger or aggression, they can shutdown or withdraw.
• Give them process details – how things need to be done. They often focus on how a task impacts your relationship before they focus on the direct results of the task.
• Show how they can help other people and how they can contribute to the team.
• Ask about their family and friends – then listen to the answer.
• Link new ideas and approaches to concepts and ways of doing things that are already in their comfort zone.

While the specific situation – your relationship with them and the environment you are in – always affects how you communicate with any person, here are some examples of how to speak so that a person with supportive traits finds it easier to engage with and listen to what you have to say:

• “This is approach is just like the way we do things today, and it has these improvements…”
• “I really appreciate what you do for the team. Could you help me with ….”
• “This is how you can best support this effort…”
• “I would like your input on ________ at the meeting this afternoon. Can you be ready to share your thoughts when the time comes?”

These tips are suggestions to help you adjust your communication to better fit a person with strong supportive traits. As you apply these tips, remember that everyone is a blend of all four traits and that few people are easily represented by only one style.  For example a person with mostly supportive and inspiring traits will perceive things a little differently than a person with mostly supportive and cautious traits.

Remember also that the intensity or strength of any trait also affects how people see, hear, and interpret the messages they receive.  For example, a person with a very high degree of supportive traits will likely see things a little differently than someone with only moderately high supportive traits.

Ultimately, you need to understand the whole perspective of any person you want to communicate with effectively. These tips should help you get “in the ballpark.”

Your steady pace and task focus can serve you well when you need to connect with and help other people.

You probably have a calm and factual communication style that projects well reasoned thought and concern for details.  This style can serve you well as a leader, and it can carry some potential challenges.

When you work with other people who have cautious traits, you may not have to do much adjusting at all. When you work with people who have less cautious traits, you might need to make some adjustments.

In order to maximize your strengths in a way that does not push them to an extreme so that they become a barrier to effective communication, you can…

Focus on…

• Smiling
• Showing enthusiasm
• Making eye contact
• Noticing and valuing other people’s emotional concerns
• Action

And, beware of your tendency to…

• Discount emotions
• Focus too heavily on analysis and details
• Demand answers
• Resist input from other people
• Isolate from other people

If you do not have strong Cautious traits, understanding how to communicate with someone who does have these traits can sometimes be difficult.

Here are a few practical tips to help you better adapt your communication strategies.

Remember to …

• Speak calmly.
• Give them time to prepare before you ask for their input.
• Be careful with your hand gestures and facial expressions.  People with cautious traits can be distracted or frustrated by highly expressive body language – rapid hand movements, pointing fingers, etc .  They might perceive these body language clues as an overly emotional response.
• Give them details in addition to big-picture concepts.
• Keep your focus on logic, reason, quality, and value over emotion and excitement.
• Be prepared to answer questions. Give them resources to get their own answers if you do not have an answer.
• Use research, data, and third-party sources to validate any personal opinions or perspectives you offer.

While the specific situation – your relationship with them and the environment you are in – always affects how you communicate with any person, here are some examples of how to speak so that a person with cautious traits finds it easier to engage with and listen to what you have to say:

• “This approach is based on research done by _____________, and it will improve our operations by …”
• “That is a really good question. Rather than give you a partial answer, I’ll go research it and get back to you this afternoon.”
• “If you would like to check this idea on your own, it is referenced in this procedure/website/book.”
• “I would like your input on ________ at the meeting this afternoon. Can you be ready to give me your thoughts when the time comes?”

These tips are suggestions to help you adjust your communication to better fit a person with strong cautious traits. As you apply these tips, remember that everyone is a blend of all four traits and that few people are easily represented by only one style.  For example a person with mostly cautious and dominant traits will perceive things a little differently than a person with mostly cautious and supportive traits.

Remember also that the intensity or strength of any trait also affects how people see, hear, and interpret the messages they receive.  For example, a person with a very high degree of cautious traits will likely see things a little differently than someone with only moderately high cautious traits.

Ultimately, you need to understand the whole perspective of any person you want to communicate with effectively. These tips should help you get “in the ballpark.”

If you lead others, you are in the change business. When you are in the change business, you will eventually have to deal with resistance to your ideas, the direction you want to go, the new behaviors you are expecting, and more. Dealing with resistance is a normal part of leadership.

When you attempt to create change that involves other people, they will inevitably ask the question: “What’s in it for me?” Until they get a satisfactory answer to that question, the odds that they will cooperate are pretty low.

In order to transform resistance into acceptance and to move people to action, answer to this question as soon as possible. When you give the answer, deliver it in a way that people see the personal, positive benefits of the change from their perspective.

If you have been reading leadership development resources for any time at all, this concept is probably not new to you. While the idea is not necessarily new, many new leaders fail in their efforts to answer the question effectively for a very simple reason – they fall prey to what behavioral analysts call “perception error.”

Perception error is the tendency most people have of misreading other people’s perspectives and motivations by assuming that other people do things or are motivated by the same things that motivate the leader.

For example, I am very factual and data driven. If I am not very careful, I tend to give people far more information than they care about. When I do that, I give them what’s important to me rather than what’s important to them – I fall victim to my own perception error.

The simple solution to this challenge is to match your word choice, tone, pace, level of detail, and energy level to the person receiving the message. When you do this well, you improve the odds that they hear “what’s in it for them” in your message rather than “what’s in it for you.”

Here are some practical tips to help you do this more effectively using the DISC model as a guide.

General Tips

• Match your vocal pace to theirs. If they tend to speak quickly, then speak quickly. If they speak more slowly, then slow down.
• Use words they would use.
  • If they talk about how they feel about the change. Then talk about feelings and emotions. Make sure you smile and use more stories than facts to relay your vision of the post change situation.
  • If they talk about what they think about the change, then talk about thoughts and facts more than about feelings. Stay focused on projected results, data, and value created by the change.

Style Specific Tips

If you are interacting with a…

Fast-paced, task-oriented, Dominant person, remember that they tend to focus on solutions, results, action, and bottom-line information.

To frame your communication in a way that best gives them “what’s in it for me,” you can speak to how your idea, proposal, or change will:

• Get better, faster results
• Help them make more money
• Solve a problem
• Put them in a position of leadership and respect
• Give them more control
• And other variations/combinations of these ideas

Fast-paced, people-oriented, Inspiring person, remember that they tend to focus on interaction, activity, and excitement.

To frame your communication in a way that best gives them “what’s in it for me,” you can speak to how your idea, proposal, or change will:

• Make work more fun and engaging
• Allow them to interact with more people
• Reduce drudgery and detail work
• Create recognition and admiration for them
• Make things happen faster
• And other variations/combinations of these ideas

Slower-paced, people-oriented, Supportive person, remember that they tend to focus on stability, helping, and appreciation.

To frame your communication in a way that best gives them “what’s in it for me,” you can speak to how your idea, proposal, or change will:

• Make work easier for them and their co-workers
• Be similar to the previous way of doing things (or what they are used to doing)
• Protect people from uncertainty and risk
• Allow them to help more people
• Make work safer
• And other variations/combinations of these ideas

Slower-paced, task-oriented, Cautious person, remember that they tend to focus on value, excellence and doing things correctly.

To frame your communication in a way that best gives them “what’s in it for me,” you can speak to how your idea, proposal, or change will:

• Improve the efficiency of the process
• Create higher quality results
• Increase value
• Be more logical and orderly
• Reduce errors and mistakes
• And other variations/combinations of these ideas

As you work to apply these ideas, remember that, while the general concepts always apply, different situations, relationships, and work environments call for different specific approaches.

Different people have different blends of these traits in their behavior style. Different types of relationships call for different levels of care with word choice and tone. Different work environments create different legal, work rule, and organizational culture dynamics.

Use these suggestions as a starting point to help you find the best way to craft your message based on the person or audience you need to address.

In any case, do the best you can to make your communication clearly state how the change will affect them personally rather than how it will impact the organization.

A quick look at the calendar told Glenn it was almost December. Just a couple more weeks until everyone's focus at work would be on the Holidays... and not the business goals for 2007.

He knew how important 2007 was going to be - the stars were aligned such that, if they executed correctly, the business could grow dramatically and benefit all of his team in many ways. But he also knew that unless everyone was involved, engaged and committed to the new efforts required to capitalize on these opportunities, the window would pass... and maybe never open up again.

Unfortunately, he didn't feel like he had been able to get the message across. But it wasn't because he hadn't tried.

He had honed his PowerPoint presentation, practiced it and worked through the slides until he thought the presentation was great. When he delivered it the staff seemed interested and paid attention, but he didn't feel it made any 'real' impact. Conversations at the water cooler and the information he was hearing confirmed his fears.

People hadn't gotten it; they didn't buy in to it.

He continued to share his message in every way he could think of — putting his PowerPoint slides on the company website, offering to answer questions and more. He even sent an email to everyone reminding them about the opportunities 2007 would provide, coining the phrase, "Shooting Towards Heaven in 2007."

Even he thought this was silly, but he didn't know what else to do.

All of this weighed on his mind as he walked upstairs to put his seven year old to bed. While Kim could read, she loved hearing her Daddy read, and he loved reading to her. That night they chose one of the mutual favorites — The Little Engine That Could. He kissed her goodnight and walked downstairs. On the fourth step it hit him.

Stories!

He thought, "If I tried to tell Kim the message of persistence with five bullet points on a slide, or in an email, or with a slogan alone, she wouldn't want to keep hearing it. In fact, she'd probably tune me out. But she'll listen to the story over and over — and she is understanding and believing in the value of persistence, just like the Little Engine taught her."

Glenn went to living room and turned off the TV. He sat thinking and taking notes about the story he could create to help his team understand the opportunities of 2007.

But he was stumped.

So the next morning he called his old friend Susan and asked to have lunch with her. She was only available that day, and since he was desperate, he re-arranged his schedule to meet with her.

He explained his situation to Susan, talking about the opportunity, explaining his challenges and more. Susan listened carefully when he was done, she asked, "Did you ever study Aristotle?"

Glenn, startled, answered that he hadn't really studied him, but he knew he was "a really smart Greek guy." They both laughed at that comment and then Susan said she agreed with Glenn that a story might help him solve his communication and persuasion challenge — and that Aristotle could help.

She explained that Aristotle had, 2500 years ago, laid out the basics of effective persuasive stories:

1. Exodium. Find a way to get people's attention.
2. Narratio. Pose a problem that the listener is having.
3. Confirmatio. Pose a possible solution.
4. Peroratio. State the benefits of taking action on this solution.

Glenn tried to take notes on his napkin, but his spelling was awful so he gave up.

Noticing this, Susan smiled and said, "How about I share Aristotle’s ideas in English?"

Glenn was grateful and did take notes as Susan explained a bit more about what she meant.

Glenn's Notes

When their lunch and conversation was over, Glenn thanked Susan and reviewed his notes. He knew that now he had a game plan for helping people see what 2007 could mean to the business... and to them. His notes read:

Basic Informational Story Principles

Grab Attention

• Make it real
• Make it personal
• Help them understand
• Maybe start with a question

Create a desire to resolve the situation

• Create the problem
• Peril, risk - the elements of any good movie, translated to your situation
• Help people identify with the story, whether the story is directly or indirectly about them

Offer a solution

• How it was solved in the story

Explain how to get that solution

• Make it attainable
• Share steps
• Help the listener to discover the solution

Glenn is currently crafting his story. Time will tell how successful he will be, but he is confident that if he builds the right story, he'll get the results he wants.

Who do you need to persuade?

What story can you tell them?

Tom had given presentations before, but never one this important. He knew if he was successful in making a strong case for the project the company would benefit greatly. Of course he also knew that if his presentation was successful he would benefit greatly as well. He wanted to be persuasive, and he wanted to be different. He had attended far too many presentations that relied so heavily on PowerPoint that people got lost, distracted or bored.

While lots of PowerPoint slides was the norm, his instincts told him that wasn't the best answer. As he thought about his situation he thought about his Vice President. Tom had long been a fan of her presentations and wondered if maybe she could give him some pointers. He was nervous to ask for her help, but this was a very important presentation, so he sent her an email.

He was pleasantly surprised to find that she would be willing to help, and that even though her schedule was full, she could make some time for a brief conversation.

Tom opened the meeting by thanking Jayne for her time and telling her again why he admired her presentations so much. After they got past these pleasantries, Jayne said she had seven things she always did when creating a presentation. As Tom prepared to take notes she said, "First, let me warn you that not all of these ideas are directly about PowerPoint, but all of them will help your presentation be more successful and you'll avoid death by PowerPoint."

Tom smiled, as he hadn't heard the phrase "death by PowerPoint" before, but he had certainly experienced it.

Then Jayne handed him a list she had photocopied for him with the seven tips on it. As they discussed the list he added the notes included below.

Seven Ways to Avoid Death by PowerPoint

Think about the audience.

If you want to persuade someone the most important thing is to think first about who they are, what their concerns are and to better understand their perspective. Start planning for any presentation by starting with your audience.

Think about your message.

Once you begin to understand the audience, then think about your message. What are your key points? What is your audience's perspective on your message? What details might not be necessary for or make sense to your audience? Remember, your message is probably crystal clear to you, but this may be the first time your audience is even thinking about this topic. Help make it crystal clear for them too.

Think about the action you want the audience to take.

Ultimately, your presentation is about what happens as a result of what you say. Make sure you clearly understand what actions you want your audience to take and make sure your presentation helps and persuades them to take those next steps.

Use fewer slides.

Death by PowerPoint is often caused by having too many slides. Though every presentation is different, chances are good that you can cut the number of your current slides in half and double the effectiveness of your talk.

Use fewer words.

After you cut the number of slides, reduce the number of words on each slide. Unless it is a definition or a statement needed verbatim, don't include any sentences. Also try to keep your bullet points to four words or less.

Use fewer bells and whistles.

Just because the program gives you 100 different fonts, sounds and animation options it doesn't mean you need to use them (all). Remember that PowerPoint is meant to be a visual aid, not to be the show or to get in the way of your message. Less is almost always more.

Use more visuals.

Cut the words and augment your message with pictures and other visual cues. They will be more memorable and will help keep your audience engaged and tracking with you.

Stop thinking about the PowerPoint first.

It isn't about the slides; it's about the people, the messages, and the actions you want them to take.

As he reviewed the list, he mentioned to Jayne that there were eight items on her list of seven ways. She said, "The last one is really the most important one. When we think about our slides first we will create the presentation from the slides rather than creating a presentation and supporting it with a few slides. Besides, no one ever accused me of being an accountant." She smiled as Tom thanked her.

As he walked out the door, she said, "Don't thank me now, thank me by using these ideas and wowing the group with your presentation."

Tom did follow her advice, and created a few slides to support his key messages. The presentation went great and the first email he received after the project moved forward was from Jayne. She said she was proud of him and that she looked forward to seeing many more presentations from him in the future.

Being an effective coach is a leadership skill — as you coach successfully you help create the future you are leading people towards. However, being an effective coach is more than leadership - it is an important life skill as well.

We all can be more effective at coaching in our communities, in our families, with our children and at work. Truly, when we coach effectively we can make a difference in the lives of other people and our communities as a whole.

There are many ways to become a more effective coach, plenty of skills, knowledge and techniques are available. You shouldn't expect, nor could I deliver, the tools for your complete coaching success in this brief article. Rather, here are three key elements - principles if you will - that, when applied, will automatically make you a more effective coach.

Since the title mentions the alphabet, you might be expecting me to start with the letter A. Well, a couple years ago I wrote about The ABC's of Coaching Principles, so today I write about letters D, E and F.

D - Discovery

In a very real way coaching is about learning. The person being coached is learning what is working and should be continued, and what could be tweaked and improved. In this way, the best coaches are facilitators of learning. And, the best learning facilitators - and coaches - know that the most powerful learning comes from a place of discovery. When you discover something for yourself it is more real and powerful to you. More specifically, when you discover an idea for improvement - or come to that realization for yourself - you truly own the desire to improve. Plus, you'll be a more determined and disciplined learner. As a coach you must help people discover the need for improvement and then collaboratively help them determine the solutions and next steps, rather than simply describing or defining them yourself. The best coaches help people discover their needs and next steps.

E - Expectations

Coaches must help people have a clear and realistic picture of the needed or desired performance expectations. Without clear expectations, how can anyone know what their performance should look like? Often the biggest gap in performance or behavior is a gap in expectations. Additionally, it is important to clarify expectations during the actual coaching process itself; what can the person being coached expect from the coach and vice versa. The best coaches recognize the importance, value and power of assuring mutually understood and agreed upon expectations.

F - Focus on Them

One of a coach's most pervasive traps is believing your own press clippings. Perhaps you have had some success in the past with the ideas you are now coaching others on. Perhaps you truly are an expert in that subject matter. Perhaps people have come to you for your coaching help - either in the subject matter or because you are viewed in some other way as a good coach. The best coaches always remember that coaching isn't about them; it is about the person they are coaching.

If you want to be a more effective coach, focus more of your attention on the needs, mindset and current state of the person you are coaching. Listen more, and speak less. Ask more and advise less. Recognize that while you can inspire and inform, any new actions (and their results) belong to the other person. The best coaches are other focused.

Coaching is a complex task. However, when you rely on, and remember, these core principles, you can transcend mere technique and become significantly more effective.

If this title has you scratching your head, wondering if I am suggesting you become an egomaniac, relax! That is the furthest thing from my mind (though I'll talk about it before I'm through).

The truth is, while there are people with super-high self images related to their expertise and knowledge, many more people don't have a healthy, valid confidence, understanding or awareness of their own skills, knowledge, expertise and brilliance.

What follows is for everyone, but especially those who are a bit timid or unsure of their expertise.

Why is this idea important enough for me to write about? In order to be an effective coach, mentor or trusted advisor, you must at the very least trust your own advice!

Let me put it another way. You must recognize, value and trust your expertise before feedback and advice can be best given to others. Yes, feedback and wise counsel is not about you; it's about the other person - and - you must know what you know and be confident in your expertise and perspective too.

So how can you gain a healthy perspective on your expertise? Here are five ways to help you get started:

Listen to the feedback of others.

You've received lots of feedback in your life, and not all of it is corrective in nature. Unfortunately, many people ignore, downplay or forget when they're told they are skilled or good at something. Listen carefully and take heed of what people tell you you are good at. They are very likely right.

Realize that expertise is relative.

When someone says you are good at something, do you say (or think) "thank you" or do you immediately downplay their comments? If you do the latter it is likely associated with a "Yes, but I'm not that good" or "I'm not as good as Carl... " Expertise is relative. For instance, it's likely I know more about antique John Deere tractors than most everyone who will read this. Yet even though I own several and have been around them my whole life, in different circles I would be a neophyte. Regardless of the topic, there are people who may be more expert than you - that does not mean you don't have valuable expertise.

Inventory your experiences, skills and knowledge.

In order to value something you must take inventory. What are your experiences? What skills have you developed? What knowledge have you gained? You might want to do this as it relates to a specific area of your life — like in your role as a leader or at work in general (as two quick examples). Make this a project for an afternoon. Find a quiet space and think, write and inventory. Putting these things on paper is a big step towards both recognizing and valuing your expertise.

Consider your interests.

I mentioned antique John Deere tractors a minute ago — this is just one nonwork related interest of mine. I have many interests, and so do you. These are things you think about, read about, talk about and do something about. These interests may give you insights into your areas of expertise. This helps you build your overall confidence and self-image, and may inform you about how that expertise might be useful in other situations.

Remember past feedback successes.

Remember the times when someone thanked you for your advice, counsel or feedback. Remembering successes is an important part of this process! If you have trouble remembering them, make a list, put them in a journal or find some other way to recognize and remember that your advice was helpful to others. If your advice has been true in the past, it will be true again!

There are five ways to understand and begin to better value your expertise. There is one more important point that takes us back to the start of this article.

Share humbly. Yes, you need to have confidence in your advice. And, to be most effective, you must remember that your advice should be about helping others, not letting them see how much you know. This is a fine balance, one that you will spend your lifetime working on. Know that some people may misconstrue your intentions. However, if your intention is purely focused on the other person from the start, your advice will be better received and more valued by the other person too.

Most supervisors deliver performance feedback to members of their team. A face-to-face meeting is the most common way to deliver feedback.

During this meeting, the words you use are only part of your message. Your full message is a combination of the words you choose and the emotion you transmit.

When you deliver performance feedback, the emotional part becomes particularly challenging. People receiving feedback are often at an elevated emotional state, and you run the risk of sounding like you are criticizing or threatening them in some way. This combination creates a potential minefield that even supervisors who are coaching people from good performance to excellent performance can find difficult to navigate. The situation becomes even more complicated when you need to deliver truly negative feedback.

By understanding the emotional filter of the person receiving feedback, you can adjust your delivery to improve your odds of delivering the message you intend to deliver. While the details and specifics will  change based on your past relationship with your team members, the exact nature of your message, and the environment you work in, there are some predictable response patterns you can use as a guide to help you craft your message so that you minimize the risk of an emotional confrontation.

Regardless of the other person’s particular emotional filter, all work performance feedback should be directed at objective, observable issues – behaviors, words, actions, results, etc. While you do not want your feedback to be emotional in nature, you do want to frame it based on their emotional filters.

In addition to the other person’s communication style (emotional filters), you can also consider the three sources of feedback power that Kevin and I wrote about in From Bud to Boss:

• Position or Power
• Expertise
• Relationship

These three sources of feedback power are perceived differently by people with different communication styles. While all three are at work in any coaching relationship, there are some perception patterns you can use to better understand the perspectives of other people. As a general rule, the position and expertise sources are more important to task-oriented people and the relationship source is more important to people-oriented people.

Here are more specific tips for offering better performance feedback based on the communication style of the person receiving the feedback.

Dominant Style (Fast paced and task-oriented)

• Speak directly to how their behaviors, words, and actions impact how quickly they will see results.
• Focus on actions over emotions.
• Avoid saying anything that might indicate you don’t respect them.
• They tend to interpret power based on personal decisiveness and action than on position.
• They seldom respond as strongly to relationship based appeals as they do to power or expertise based conversations.
• They often perceive expertise based more on accomplishment than on credentials, training, and certifications.

Inspiring Style (Fast paced and people-oriented)

• Show them how their behaviors, words, and actions affect the way that other people might perceive them.
• Connect new behaviors with creating more recognition for them.
• Avoid saying anything that communicates that you don’t like them.
• They often interpret power based on the influence and relationships you have with other people of influence more than they do solely on position.
• They often respond strongly to feedback from people they like and believe like them.
• Expertise is often secondary to relationship for them.

Supportive Style (Reserved and people-oriented)

• Tie their actions to how they can help others and how their contribution builds the team.
• Rather than focus entirely on what you want done, make time to discuss how you want it done (with their input).
• Avoid pushing too quickly for results. Give them time to process what you have said before asking for a response.
• They often view power through the filter of how you apply your positional power to support and build the team.
• Relationship is important to them. If they sense that you do not appreciate people as people rather than as tools to get work done, you will have little relationship power with which to offer feedback.
• Expertise is important to them, and, like people with inspiring traits, it is a secondary concern to relationship.

Cautious Style (Reserved and task-oriented)

• Speak to the value and quality of their work.
• Be prepared to back-up anything you say with data – quality reports, run reports, research data, etc.
• Keep your comments factual and observable.
• Structure and order are important to them. Your position carries some weight because they often honor hierarchy.
• Relationship is a secondary concern. They would often prefer that you like them, and what you think of their work is more important than what you think of them.
• They often place value on training, credentials, and experience to determine expertise.

Remember that people normally exhibit at least two of these traits. So, no individual will fit neatly within one of these guidelines. As you speak with people, observe their responses to your approach and then adjust using these suggestions as a guide to navigate the emotional minefield of performance feedback.

I suspect if you're reading this Bonus Byte, you already understand the differences between the four types of feedback. But if someone has passed this on to you, or you want a refresher, we'll start there.

If you know exactly what I am talking about, you can skip right on down to the
Five Balancing Strategies section . . .

You've likely heard that the feedback you deliver should be balanced. When you have heard that, what people are suggesting is that you should strive to give people a balance of positive and negative feedback.

This advice is only half-right.

It is an understandable misunderstanding because people think there are only two types of feedback, when in fact there are four types.

The Four Types of Feedback

1. Negative feedback, or corrective comments about past behavior. These are things that didn't go well.
2. Positive feedback, or affirming comments about past behavior. These are things that went well and need to be repeated.
3. Negative feedforward, or corrective comments about future behavior. These are things that don't need to be repeated next time.
4. Positive feedforward, or affirming comments about future behavior. These are things that would improve performance in the future.

The distinction that is largely missing for most people missing is the focus on the future or feedforward.

As you begin to understand the power of balancing both positive and negative input with observations about the past (which can't be changed) and advice for the future (which can be changed), you have a new paradigm for the feedback and coaching process.

Here are five balancing strategies to help you use these four types of feedback in a way to help the other person receive and use your insights to improve performance.

Five Balancing Strategies

Make sure you use them all.

Which means you must understand the importance of each, and have insights in each area to share. The starting point must always be usefulness. Your challenge is to look for examples in all four areas, not make something up or be overly generic.

Ask the other person his/her opinion, first.

Ask questions about all four areas. Do it without it being an interrogation - ask something like "How do you think it went?" Or, more specifically, "What did you think went well?" "What do you wish you had done differently?" Then ask about the future with questions like, "Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently next time?" "What will you avoid next time?" "What do you plan to make sure you do next time?"

Tie it all together.

Connect the dots for people between past performance and how that relates to the future. This may require generalizing out an idea or behavior. Tying together past and future can help keep people from being defensive or spending their energy trying to justify the past - which can't be changed anyway.

More 'and,' less 'but.'

When you tie ideas together, do it with "and" not "but." "But" erases everything said prior to using the word "but." "And" is inclusive and draws people forward emotionally.

Focus on the future.

While you want the feedback to be balanced, the overall focus needs to be on the future. Remember no one can change the past - its value in a feedback situation is for context, consequences and concrete examples, not for dwelling, hand-wringing or excessive blame. Always end the conversation talking about the future, including their thoughts (see suggestion above about asking their opinion) early and often. Doing this will give you the best shot at an action plan of which the other person will feel ownership.

Hopefully this gives you a bigger view of what balanced feedback can be... and how your feedback can be more successful in helping others create even better results.

Everyone has received feedback that was hard to take - perhaps you didn't agree with it, it was a surprise, or it was given in a way that made it hard for you to accept.

The first key to giving better feedback is to learn lessons from when you have been given feedback. If you can correct the errors others have made with you, you are further down the path to giving more successful feedback to others.

One of the most common pieces of advice about successful feedback is what I call "The Feedback Sandwich."

More on the ingredients in a minute, but like any other sandwich, making The Feedback Sandwich incorrectly can make it less palatable, and perhaps even not edible at all!

Hopefully your desire when giving feedback is that people hear it, understand it and put it to use. So it's important to make feedback as valuable and "easy to eat" as we can. When you prepare the feedback sandwich correctly, it will have the maximum possible impact.

A Feedback Sandwich?

Here's how the feedback sandwich is most often described:

When giving someone potentially negative feedback, make sure to give positive feedback first, then any negative feedback, and close with more positive feedback.

Do you see the sandwich? Think of the positive feedback as the bread for the negative feedback in the middle.

Think about the times when you have received feedback like this, and reflect on how well you liked it.

If it was done correctly, you probably found it helpful. If not, your sandwich may have left a bad taste in your mouth.

What Makes It Unsavory

In most cases, the main appeal of a sandwich is what's in between the bread.

It's not a sourdough sandwich with salami and provolone, it's a salami and cheese sandwich. You may make a bread choice, but the focus is clearly on what is inside. While this makes sense for a Club or a Rueben, it makes less sense for a feedback sandwich. Let me explain.

Feedback sandwiches can sometimes be tough to eat because the entire focus is on the middle - the negative feedback. Usually when a coach or leader or parent says they want to give someone feedback, they mean corrective (read negative) feedback. And so, while they may want to share a combination of positive negative feedback, the focus is generally on the negative, corrective feedback. This means that even though they may have thought about some positive things to say; they are more specific about the middle (the negative), more passionate about the middle and more focused on the middle.

When the receiver gets that sandwich, the positive feedback is either weak, vague or general, and it's clearly not the focus of the conversation. This leaves the receiver with not much of a sandwich at all.

One common reaction? "They tried to sugar coat their comments with some positive stuff, but all they really wanted me to hear was what I’m doing wrong."

And the result? That feedback isn't well received and perhaps not "eaten" at all (or is the cause of indigestion for a long time).

None of this means the feedback sandwich isn't an effective way to give feedback, it absolutely is — but only when that sandwich has been well constructed.

Making it Most Appetizing

A sandwich can't live by meat alone — the bread is also important! Here are three ways to make your feedback sandwich most appetizing:

Specific.

All of the feedback you give — both positive and negative — needs to be specific. Giving specific corrections with a vague "nice job" for the positive won't work.

Helpful.

The best sandwiches are about more than the main ingredients. The condiments make it all work together. The condiments for a feedback sandwich are your intention. If your intention is truly about helping people understand their performance and improve, let them know that. Also know that whatever your intention is when giving feedback, it will have an impact on how well the feedback will be received.

Balanced.

There are two slices of bread and just one middle to most sandwiches. So it is with your feedback. I'm not saying you have to have a two-to-one ratio for positive to corrective feedback. However, it is important to balance your conversation by sharing (specific and helpful) positive as well as corrective comments.

When you build your feedback sandwich with planning, preparation and thought, the result will be comments people will want to hear, will listen to, and will use. Otherwise, your feedback may be like the sandwich that is nibbled and tossed in the trash, or never sampled at all.

Feedback and advice.

In modern organizational life they are related terms.

When you look at them grammatically, they are connected, but not as related as I thought before I researched them a bit. From Dictionary.com here are the relevant definitions for each word, and some synonyms too:

Feedback: noun - (3) a reaction or response to a particular process or activity: He got very little feedback from his speech.

Synonyms include: observation, retaliation, assessment, evaluation, criticism, sentiment and comeback.

Advice: noun - (1) an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.: I shall act on your advice.

Synonyms include: recommendation, encouragement, consultation, information, instruction and proposition.

And in everyday use they are definitely different.

Consider what you "know" if your colleague John says, "I need to give George some feedback."

I'm guessing what you "know" is that John needs to tell George how something didn't go so well!

And if you hear John say, "I want to give George some advice," you probably are less sure exactly what the situation is. But, it might be something positive or even something George requested, right?

Feedback and advice.

In a variety of other places I have written about the importance of feedback and have talked about the need for more balanced feedback - positive and negative - that also include comments about the past as well as thoughts about the future (often called feedforward). These combinations lead to a far more useful model for what feedback can and should be than the usually unspoken thought that "feedback = negative comments about past performance."

The synonyms reinforce this difference - notice the negative tone of the synonyms for feedback (e.g. retaliation?) versus those for advice (e.g. encouragement).

Feedback and advice.

I think there is one other important difference for leaders - that should be considered by coaches and people interested in helping others develop their skills.

How often do most people seek out, and truly want, feedback (given its tarnished image)? Not so much. And yet, if people truly want to improve or get better at anything, how open are they to advice? Very open!

Your job as a leader is to communicate with people in a way that your messages can best be received.

This means you must set up the conversation for ultimate success. So choosing your words can be helpful.

Telling people you need to give them some feedback (especially if you say that on a Friday afternoon when scheduling time to talk with them on Tuesday morning after a holiday weekend), might not set the receiver up to be open to or ready for your communication, even if it is mostly positive!

And in order to communicate successfully you must be clear on your intention as well. If your intention is solely to "give feedback," consider that your message may be unnecessarily unbalanced - and therefore less helpful, more poorly received and potentially counter-productive.

You must give both feedback and advice - a balanced look at performance past and future - in order for your communication to have the best chance to be received.

The bottom line is that you must provide those you lead with observations and data about their past performance: both what is going well and what might need to improve (i.e. give them feedback).

And, whether we have nurtured their thirst for improvement yet or not, you also must help them see how to translate past performance into future performance (i.e. give them advice).

Feedback and advice.

Similar, but not the same. Recognizing the differences and doing both is one key to your success as a leader.

There is lots of advice for leaders, managers and coaches on how to give better feedback. I've written and taught quite a bit about it myself. But today I want to write about something else.

Something that is discussed less often and is often misunderstood.

It's a skill that when well practiced can help you build your skills faster, gain new perspectives and likely improve your relationships.

It is the skill of receiving feedback.

How is that a skill you might ask?

Well, think about yourself - or those you have given feedback to. Do you (or they) always seem open to the feedback? Do you (they) approach it with an opportunity mindset? Or are you (they) apprehensive, defensive or even angry?

While the advice below might not eliminate apprehension, defensiveness and anger, it certainly will improve the likelihood that you will do more than just hear feedback. You will learn from it and, when appropriate, apply it.

Note - While so far I have talked about you OR others, from now on this is personal. While you may be able to help others by teaching or sharing these strategies, start with yourself.

So, thinking about yourself, let's get started:

Remember SARA.

SARA is an acrostic that describes the four steps people sometimes go through when receiving feedback:

• Surprise
• Anger
• Rationalization
• Acceptance

A further description of these steps would require another article. For our purposes now, you need to realize that you may go through these steps. When you know that, you can manage the steps, mitigate the anger (or at least not direct it inappropriately) and be patient with yourself.

Be open minded.

When someone offers you feedback, be it a formal or informal setting, keep an open mind. Recognize that however poorly it’s delivered, or however angry it makes you initially (remember SARA), remind yourself to keep an open mind. Without an open mind, none of the rest of these steps will make any difference at all.

Look for the lesson.

Perhaps you disagree with their premise. Perhaps their feedback is only their perspective, but it isn't shared by the five other people that told you something different or even contrary.

Regardless, make it your goal to always look for the golden nugget inside of the feedback. Even if it is well hidden, you can find the lesson.

Ask clarifying questions.

Perhaps the lesson is hidden, or perhaps their message isn't clear. Rather than getting upset, choose to ask some questions. When you remain curious and ask questions to better understand their perspective and specific feedback, you will be much better off.

Ask for their advice.

Feedback is often given about past performance. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. At some point in the conversation ask them for their advice. Maybe something like:

• "What would you have done differently?"
• "What would you like me to do or suggest that I do next time?"

Questions like those are useful. However, asking doesn't mean you have to take the advice, but having it is valuable. Sometimes even hearing the advice helps you better understand where the feedback itself is coming from.

Suspend judgment - depersonalize it.

Often people are defensive from the start of the conversation, or get that way as soon as they hear something negative. Even if comments are framed as a personal attack, you can choose to suspend judgment and apply the other ideas on the list. Admittedly, this is a close corollary to the advice to "be open minded;" however, the barrier that is caused specifically by defensiveness is often tough to overcome.

Say thank you.

Most of the time the intention when giving you feedback is pure - the person really just wants to help. While there may be sometimes when you don't feel their intention is pure, it doesn't matter. Always say thank you. Being truly grateful will help you process the feedback - and - it will bolster your relationship with the other person as well. Your parents were right - say thank you.

Your first reaction may be to share these suggestions with others, and if you wish to do that, great! But don't do that without first recognizing the learning opportunity for yourself in this list. Give yourself some feedback - ask yourself which of these suggestions you could employ more effectively when you receive feedback.

Always remember that how you respond to any feedback is completely in your control. Take that control if you want to gain more value from any feedback you receive.

Involve your team in the goal setting process

As Kevin and I said in one of the Remarkable Principles in the chapter on Performance Evaluations, effective performance reviews must be focused on performance. If performance is about results, impact and accomplishment, then the basis for discussing performance lies in the goals and objectives you use to evaluate it.

Goals not only serve to provide a standard for measuring performance, they also create energy for task accomplishment – when the person pursuing the goal sees and feels the importance of the goal. We have seldom seen a situation where a goal served to motivate someone to high achievement when the goal was mandated by someone else. Mandated goals can drive bare minimum performance. They rarely, if ever, create high-level performance.

Before you begin the coaching process, have a goal-setting discussion with the person you will be coaching. Listen to their perspective about what is and is not reasonable. Engage him/her in a conversation about what their goals should be with regard to business/organizational results.

When you work with people to set performance goals rather than assign goals to them, you increase the likelihood that they will be engaged in and motivated by the opportunity to accomplish the goal. When they are engaged and motivated, you have created ownership.

Connect their work to something that is important to them

Few people can consistently work towards goals or objectives that have no personal meaning for them. Most people who are engaged and motivated by their work, find something of personal interest to them in their work accomplishment.

I once met a man in his seventies who expressed some frustrations with his work environment and openly said that he only came to work for the pay. Upon further conversation, I learned that he had been with his employer since before I was born. It became clear to me, that something deeper than money kept him engaged. As the conversation continued, we spoke about his depth of knowledge and the legacy he was leaving in the organization. Eventually, I realized that his legacy, not his paycheck, was the real driving factor for keeping him engaged at work.

If I could connect with his deeper purpose and encourage him to perform at a higher level, is it possible that someone who knows him well, like his supervisor, could do the same? I think so.

When you get to know the people you lead, you will learn what is really important to them. To create greater ownership of the coaching process, connect their work to the thing that is important to them. When people see the connection between what is important to them personally and the work they do, they generally feel greater ownership for their results and behaviors, and they normally participate more fully in the coaching process.

Show them how their performance is part of something larger than them

This idea is similar to the idea above. It’s different in that as you speak, you connect their work to a bigger purpose rather than to a personal purpose.

One common story to illustrate this point is the story of two bricklayers on a major construction project. One said that they were laying bricks. This person moved and spoke with little enthusiasm. The other said that they were building a great cathedral where many people would get to worship and sing together. This person worked with enthusiasm and energy. The first person saw the job as a job. The second person saw the job as part of a larger mission.

If you can help people see how their activities fit into a larger purpose or mission, you can create greater ownership, engagement, and enthusiasm.

Focus on future behaviors

When we wrote about feedback, we mentioned feed forward as one of the types of feedback you can provide.

While it is true that your coaching conversations will contain feedback on past behaviors, we suggest that you focus on the future as much as possible. When you focus on the past, you focus on what cannot be changed. Whether it is positive or negative, too much focus on what has already happened creates little, if any, real engagement and enthusiasm for the future.

When you primarily focus on the future, you can create more hope, energy, and enthusiasm. Hope, energy, and enthusiasm will lead to greater ownership.

Recognize what people are doing right

In their book Switch, Chip and Dan Heath report on a study of English language words that describe emotions done by a psychologist. Of the 558 words he found, 62 percent of them were negative. This observation points to the ease with which we turn towards, focus on, and speak about the negative.

Sometimes it is necessary to point out mistakes, errors, and bad behaviors. When it is necessary, do it and do it quickly. Just beware of the tendency that most people have to notice and comment only on the negative aspects of a person’s behaviors.

To create more ownership and energy in your coaching conversations, make a point to recognize, comment on, and reward the positive things people are doing for the organization. When you are willing to recognize what people do right, you improve the odds that they will take ownership for any negative behaviors or shortfalls that might be their responsibility. When they take ownership for their contribution, they will then take ownership of the plans for improving them.

I'm guessing doing performance evaluations isn’t the part of the job you like the most, or if you're new aren't the things you are most excited about!

Among the litany of conversations and complaints I hear from leaders — and individual employees — is that the form used doesn't help the process. While I haven't seen the form your organization uses, I am certain it is a well thought out form that asks important questions and aims to document valuable information. The problem isn't really with the form, it is that people don't know how to use it. Therefore, the form becomes one of the scapegoats for a frustrating and less than effective process of performance coaching.

Repeat after me. It isn't about the form. The form is for HR. The purpose of the session for you and your team member is to have a successful and balanced conversation about his/her performance.

Here are some ways you can use the form to create more effective performance discussions.

Have them fill out a copy.

This may be the most common approach used, and it can be very effective — when done correctly. Do have your team member think about the material on the form; don't have your copy out and go through it as he/she talks about his/her thoughts. You wanted your team member to come prepared, so value what he/she has to say. One way to show you value his/her thinking is to listen instead of looking at your form during the conversation.

Use it as your agenda.

Make the form a roadmap. Tell people that is what you are going to do, but take the focus off of the form. The more you make the meeting about the conversation, the feedback and the plan for the future, the more of the stigma caused by the form and the process you can remove or reduce.

Don't use it at all until the end.

Am I saying to forget the form completely? Relax, I'm not saying to start a rebellion and not complete the form. I'm simply saying that the best way to make the process not about the form is to leave the form out of the process. If you are a seasoned leader/coach, you can have your performance conversation and then fill out the form with the other person, almost as an afterthought. If the anxiety about your form is high, this approach might work best for you.

Craft preparation questions from it.

The approach of having the other person prepare for the meeting is critical. This conversation is about his/her performance after all. You want and need your team member's involvement in and ownership of the conversation. If the form is lengthy or seems complicated or complex to your team members have them prepare without the form, but with a series of questions that you pull from the document or that are developed guided by the document. Giving people a simple set of questions to consider and use in their preparation may be much more effective.

Clearly these aren't all strategies you would use in the same meeting — some can be used in tandem, others are virtually opposites. The point is to have options.

One size doesn't fit all when trying to create meaningful conversations with people. With the use of these ideas, you can create more effective performance conversation with clearer direction and less stress.

Every year the dance begins.

Supervisors and managers know they'll soon have to do the annual performance review for all of their employees. They get the notice from HR reminding them of the deadlines. They get copies of the forms that will be used. They may even get some training on how to use the forms or conduct the reviews more effectively. Every few years the process will change - either in a small administrative way or in some more substantial way — at least from the perspective of those revising the process.

But to the supervisor, it is all the same. Once a year they have to have a performance conversation with their "direct reports."

While the employee doesn't get the memo from HR, they know the time is coming too — they know that at some point they'll get an email from their boss, or the topic will come up in a staff meeting. "Performance Reviews will be soon, look at your calendars and let's find a time to do this."

Most supervisors make this proclamation with a serious tone — they know that they represent the organization's interests, and that even if they don’t like doing these reviews, they know they are a part of the job. Most employees with more than a couple of years on the job know what their bosses are thinking as well — and the dance continues.

And so it goes — supervisors do performance reviews because they are expected to. And employees participate because they must. Far too infrequently does this conversation lead to meaningful changes in performance — either taking a high performer and making him or her a star or taking a person with some performance challenges and helping to make significant strides of improvement.

Of course these are the goals of the performance review — to provide people with feedback on performance, compare that to the expectations of the job and provide an opportunity for conversation on how to improve (regardless of the current level of performance).

These goals are wonderful. Unfortunately, in most all cases, a performance review, no matter how well done, no matter the intentions of the participants or the skill of the supervisor, won’t achieve these goals.

In other words we do the performance review in our organizations because these goals are valid and "everyone does them." Then when they don’t reap the desired results, organizations look to update the forms, improve the feedback skills of the supervisors or otherwise improve the process.

Here is the best way to improve the process: eliminate the performance review. That's right, I said get rid of performance reviews!

The Fallacies of the Performance Review

Imagine that a dancer had a personal coach. That dancer would expect their coach to provide them with a clear picture of what excellent performance looked like, expect ongoing encouragement, positive feedback when appropriate and correction when needed. The dancer wouldn't be very happy if the coach only watched once in awhile throughout the year during occasional performances or practices, then scheduled an annual meeting to discuss progress.

In the same way, a golfer would want a coach to provide feedback frequently and timely.

We read these examples and nod our heads in agreement. Then we go to work and do exactly the opposite.

In the most fundamental ways our work is no different from the dancer or golfer — in our work we perform (do our work) all the time. In order for us to benefit from coaching it needs to be in context, and in the flow of our work. Unfortunately the performance review process is set up to look at our work as a snapshot, rather than a running video recording.

Stated simply, while performance is an ongoing process, a performance review is an event (and usually a far too infrequent event at that).

What You Can Do as a Leader

There are several things you can do as a leader to work within your current performance review process and still make it work significantly better. Everything suggested is within your control and won't violate any of the tenets of your existing organizational process.

Stop thinking of the annual event.

Yes, you may have to do the forms each year, but you can meet and discuss performance as often as you want.

Turn it into a process.

Regular conversation, perhaps informal, will make for a much better outcome.

Remember the key purposes.

Clear expectations, discussion of progress and feedback for continual improvement. These three guideposts will make your conversations more useful to every one.

Explain the change.

Let your people know what you are doing and why. Once they know why you are doing this, they likely will love it!

Improve your skills.

Yes, you can get better at giving feedback, building rapport and all those things (we all can!). And when you are having regular conversations you will get better faster!

Use your review process as a culmination.

You can fill out the forms and paperwork anytime.

And if you are having ongoing conversation, it should be quite simple!

What You Can Do as an Employee

As an employee you may be thinking that, while you agree with everything you've read, there is really nothing you can do to change your situation. While you don't hold all the cards in this game, you can be proactive in asking for more of a process approach.

Ask for a clearer picture of success.

It is your success you want to create — it is only appropriate that you know exactly what is expected.

Ask for feedback regularly.

Even if it looks very informal or if your boss doesn't recognize this as "reviewing your performance," you can create something that is more like an ongoing process, and less like an annual event.

Share successes and challenges regularly.

This will help you get the feedback you need to continue to improve.

Final Thoughts

People often ask me, "How can we improve performance reviews?" I surprise many people by saying "The best thing you can do is eliminate them." Hopefully this article explains why I feel this way. I do recognize that many aren’t in the position to eliminate them completely, and so my secondary advice is to take the focus off of the annual review and put it back on performance. Since performance is ongoing, so should the conversation about it.

Turn your review event into an ongoing conversation and you will have taken the most important step you can in making your process relevant and useful to everyone.

Leaders sometimes have to deal with complacent people — those people who are seemingly happy with their current position or status or job performance.

Gather leaders and coaches for any length of time and this challenge is likely to come up. Inherent in the challenge and the questions they ask about those behaviors is a sense of unhappiness and cynicism and frustration at not knowing what to do with "those people."

If you identify with any of these situations and feelings, or even if you wonder how you would deal with complacent behaviors, read on — this article may surprise you, and it will definitely help you.

Labeling and Assumptions

First, a definition.

According to Dictionary.com, complacent is "pleased, esp. with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied."

As you can see from this definition, being complacent is an internal feeling. That implies that as leaders we are more likely to be assuming someone is complacent, rather than "knowing" it.

In my experience labeling someone as complacent is often making a tacit assumption that they aren’t willing to make a change; hence our frustration and concern!

The first key to coaching someone whose behaviors lead you to believe they are complacent is to avoid labeling as such. Next, through conversation begin to understand how they really are feeling and what they really are thinking.

Additionally, it is important to ask yourself: "why is the behavior a problem?"

Is she completing her work? Is he meeting job expectations? Clearly if behaviors aren't meeting job expectations it’s different than if someone is meeting job requirements, but you just want them to "do more" or "be more proactive."

Once you have determined that in fact there are job requirements or expectations not being met, you can begin to influence, coach and persuade. If not, perhaps your best course of action might be to let the behavior go as it is more of your perception than their job performance.

Five Strategies

Identify dis-satisfiers.

If people seem (or are) complacent, they are in their comfort zone. When any of us are comfortable, there is little likelihood that we will want to change. Help people see that things are not perfect. Help them recognize that while things seem "fine" there are ways things could be better. This will be achieved most effectively by asking questions to help them recognize that however good things seem, they could be better.

Help them find a vision.

Once people are wishing things to be (even a little bit) better, you set the stage for creating the picture of a more desirable future. You may have ideas about what the future looks like - a future with them using or developing new skills, or behaving in new ways.

Help them create this picture, with a clear connection that as they reach this vision, their situation, however good it feels now, can be even better.

Identify impacts.

How will the new future be better? How will it make them happier, more secure, more confident and more? Help them see all the consequences for the changes. While you may need to show negative consequences for not changing, don't focus all of your attention on impacts in this way. The positive reasons to change hopefully are even more powerful than the negative consequences of not changing.

Help them build a plan.

With a disrupted comfort zone, a picture of a new future and a clear sense of why, complacency is on its way to being a memory. Help them craft a plan for getting from where they are to where they now have decided they want to be.

Let it go, or let them go.

If, after patience and effort, you are not able to help them build a plan with a commitment to work the plan, you must do one of two things. You must either let go of their behavior, recognizing you have done all you can do (if the performance is "fine" but not what you'd prefer), or you must let go of them — if their performance isn't up to the standards required for the job. Don't take either of these steps too soon, but recognize this may be the eventual end of the story.

These steps will help you understand their perspective and behavior and help you influence them to make changes that they understand to be in their best interest.

One of the most difficult situations confronted by supervisors of any experience level occurs when they find themselves needing to discipline a friend for work related issues. These situations can come up due to unacceptable workplace behaviors or due to poor results. In either case, the situation carries many implications beyond the normal supervisor-employee relationship.

Here are some of the many problems you might face in this situation:

• Your friend…
  • Sees you as too harsh
  • Believes that you will not follow-through on the disciplinary warning
  • Makes emotional appeals based on your friendship

• Other people…
  • Believe that your friend will get special treatment
  • Think you delayed acting for too long
  • Your action is not decisive enough

These are some of the reasons that we wrote the Remarkable Principle:

Be friendly with your former peers. Do not focus on creating new friends.

Two General Concepts

If the person you must speak with about a disciplinary issue was already your friend before you became a supervisor, you cannot go back and “unfriend” them like you can on facebook.  Understanding this reality, here are two general thoughts to help with this situation:

Don’t wait to act until it’s a discipline issue.

When you are dealing with a person you have known for some time and who has been your friend, you might be tempted to avoid discussing a potential performance or behavior problem because you don’t want it to affect your friendship. The reality is that the situation will affect your friendship whether you discuss it or not – better to discuss it and have the opportunity to fix the situation than to avoid it and let it get out of control.

Unless it is a situation that develops suddenly or a one-time serious event, it is better to discuss the potential issue early while it is a coaching situation rather than waiting until it becomes a discipline situation. (This idea fits with the "No Surprises" concept we listed as one of the Six Keys to Making Performance Reviews Work in Chapter 29)

Get ahead of the potential problem with a discussion early in your new role.

The suggestion we made to have a discussion with your former peers about how your new role might affect your relationship (Chapter 7) is particularly important in a friendship relationship. One way to potentially head-off the disciplinary process with your friends is to speak frankly with them about what is and is not acceptable in the new context of your relationship. Knowing where you stand on coaching and discipline issues can often give people the clarity they need to avoid doing anything that creates the situation where you must discipline them.

Assuming that you are faced with the situation of disciplining a friend, first remember to apply the general tips for how to give feedback (Chapter 28) and the Six Keys to Making Performance Evaluations Work (Chapter 29).

Additional Thoughts

With those concepts as the background, here are some additional thoughts about how to discipline a friend:

Listen first.

There may be good reasons for what you observed, and there may be something you don’t understand. Before you decide to administer discipline, stop long enough to make sure you understand what happened (or did not happen) from their perspective.  (This really applies to any person, not just your friends.) If you still need to initiate a disciplinary action, you will at least have given them the chance to be heard.

Make it factual.

In these situations, you might find yourself tempted to use your friendship as a way to gain leverage with them. If you do this, you make what amounts to an emotional appeal rather than a factual discussion about observable and objective behaviors and/or results. If you use an emotional appeal approach, you make the conversation about your friendship rather than about work related and business impact issues.

While you do want to be empathetic and understanding, you do not want to make the conversation about emotions. If you must discipline a friend, keep the discipline conversation about their behaviors or results and not about your friendship.

Focus on the future.

Try as you might to keep the conversation about work and not about your relationship, your friend might do otherwise.  If this happens, they might talk about what happened in past situations with previous supervisors or how you behaved before you were a supervisor. Whatever you do, do not get drawn into a discussion about what has happened in the past or what you used to do when you were in his/her position. It is a line of discussion that seldom results in a positive outcome.

You can acknowledge the past without focusing on it. For example, you could say something like this: “John, you are right. I did say/do that before I was a supervisor. Now, I regret that I said/did that. I was speaking/acting with incomplete information. If I had known then what I know now, I would not have said/done that.  And, what happened in the past is not the issue here. We are here to discuss _______, and what we can do to correct it.”

One strategy for keeping the conversation focused on the future is the “two alternative futures” approach. Using this technique, you discuss with your friend what the future looks like under two different scenarios – one detailing the results he/she will get if they continue to behave the way he/she is currently behaving and another where there are different results by changing behaviors to what you suggest. (This is also a good change management approach.)  Here’s what that might sound like in practice:

“John, if x behavior continues, ______ is the most likely outcome. If you change x to y, _____________ is the most likely outcome. Which outcome would you prefer?”

Acknowledge the discomfort

Finally, if you are uncomfortable with the conversation, admit it. If you are uncomfortable, you might behave in ways that seem different or strange to your friend. He/She might not understand the change in your behavior, and will likely take it negatively or assume that you have some negative intention.

Don’t try to fake it. You don’t want your discomfort to look to them like you don’t care, you are angry, etc. Simply put the issue on the table to avoid miscommunication.

In our Bud to Boss Workshops, we get asked different versions of this question frequently. Sometimes, it is asked in a more politically correct way. Sometimes, it is asked as a curiosity. Most times, however, it is asked bluntly, directly and with frustration:

"How can I get lazy people to work?"

As a coach and consultant, I've also been asked, so I know it isn't an isolated or fleeting question.

Will all due respect to those who have asked me and to those of you reading and nodding your head in agreement, you are asking the wrong question. What is wrong with the question you ask?

At least three things:

• You can't "get" or "make" people do anything (at least not for very long or without unintended consequences).
• "Lazy" is a relative term — one person's lazy might be another person's normal (or even motivated).
• "Lazy" also is a word full of judgment and baggage. Including it in your question reduces the likelihood that you will have success anyway.

So let's see if we can explore what you can do, and in the process see if we can help answer this all-too-prevalent question.

OK?

The Real Question

I'm pretty confident the real question, regardless of how I'm asked, is:

"How can I get people to do more, or do what I think is important?"

Or, stated in a more accurate way, based on what is actually within your control and influence:

"How can I influence others to do more or to do the things that are most important to me (or the team or the organization)?"

Hopefully this accurately re-describes what you or anyone really means when asking the question.

Consider the Other Person

This question is about two things

• Someone else's behavior and
• Your perspective on it.

Let's start with the other person. I'll get to you in a minute.

Over time, people tend to do what is in alignment with their goals and their view of the world. In other words, people do (or don't do) what makes sense to them. If you want to understand better why other people are doing something, you must first understand their perspective.

This isn't a novel concept, and while you probably aren't (and this article won't make you) a psychologist, most people forget this basic premise.

If you would like someone to exhibit different behaviors and make different choices (i.e. work harder, you lazy bum!), consider why they are doing what they are doing. Ask yourself questions like:

• What is important to them?
• What do they see that I don't?
• What does success look like to them?

Consider Your Perspective

Your perspective is likely different than that of those you are leading, or you might not be asking this question or reading this article. You see the world differently; you understand the purpose and needs of their work differently. Your perspective makes complete sense to you — as much as theirs doesn't!

However, your values and ethics also impact your perspective. What you define as lazy, how you define a work ethic, what you believe is the right work/life balance for you — all of these and more play into your perspective — and judgment — about whether someone is "lazy" or not. Not having 'your' work ethic doesn't in and of itself make the other person 'lazy.'

Influence Strategies

Consider this a starter set of influence strategies for the situation we're discussing. While these alone may not "solve the problem," they likely will make a big difference, and help you determine what the next steps might be.

Let go of your preconceived notions and labels.

Understanding your values and beliefs about work is a good starting point. Recognize that however firmly you believe in these values they are not absolute truths. Recognize too that everyone is willing to work hard for things that truly matter to them. Lose the judgment and focus on influencing based on the other person's perspective.

Talk to the other person — and understand his/her perspective.

This step is more about asking nonjudgmental questions. Questions like the ones asked above are a good starting point. Ask for understanding, not proof or as the starting point of a debate or argument. Remember you can't change the behavior; only help the person make a new choice. Ask the questions to help both of you understand his/her motivations.

Connect to their why.

When people have a big enough why, they make choices to accomplish just about anything. In order to influence others, you must understand and tap into their deepest motivations.

When you can help them connect their work to their why, everyone wins!

Set clearer expectations.

Often the gap in behavior, and therefore your frustration and judgment, stems from a difference in expectations. Most people feel like they are doing a good job and accomplishing what is expected of them. Sometimes that is a deluded or distorted view. More often, in my experience, there is a gap between what you expect and what others think is expected of them.

Focus on results not activity.

Often I have found (and I work on it myself) that we look at how many hours people work or how diligent they appear to be as a sign of their "laziness factor." I mean, if people are busy that's good, right? Likely, the better measure is results, not time spent. Perhaps one of the reasons we don't use that measure for others is that we don't want to hold ourselves to it.

One of the most important things you can do to improve the productivity of your meetings is to create an agenda. This Bonus Byte offers a checklist for creating your agenda, some tips in agenda usage and a sample template for creating your agenda itself.

An Agenda Checklist

Follow this list as a checklist to help you in creating any agenda for any situation.

1. Determine the purpose(s) for the meeting. Write these as desired outcomes. (For assistance in writing desired outcomes go to remarkableleadership.com/rlbonus and use keyword "desired outcomes".)
2. Determine who to invite based on the desired outcomes. As a general rule, keep this list as small as possible to improve productivity and effectiveness. (For assistance in determining who to invite go to remarkableleadership.com/rlbonus and use keyword "invite".)
3. Determine the other meeting logistics - when and where to hold the meeting.
4. Determine the meeting roles: who will be the facilitator, recorder and timekeeper. Also determine which people will present or lead the discussions for various desired outcomes.
5. Complete the attached agenda form (or use whatever format or template you use in your organization.

Before the Meeting

• Always build an agenda for a meeting.
• Prepare it as soon as possible.
• Send the agenda - even if it is a draft - to attendees when inviting them or at a minimum before the meeting.

During the Meeting

• Review the agenda briefly at the start of the meeting.
• Use it to stay on track.
• Participants can use it as the basis for their notes during the meeting.

Agenda Template

The template in the PDF document of this Bonus Byte gives you some idea of how to create your document. Use this as is or incorporate ideas from it into your existing organizational standards.

This Bonus Byte is meant as a tactical extension of Chapter 32 with 2-3 additional thoughts and ideas related to each of the seven keys identified in that chapter.

Apply these ideas to your next meeting knowing they will make a difference. Some will take time to become habit for you and your team members. However, it will be worth the effort to build those habits.

Plan meetings in advance.

• Once you have determined that your purpose and goals require a meeting, get it sched-uled. But don’t schedule until your purpose and goals are clear.
• While not always possible, plan meetings a couple days (at least) in advance to allow you and other attendee’s time to come prepared for a successful meeting.

Have a written agenda.

• Remember that topics aren’t enough — make your goals clear by writing desired outcomes (short statements that describe success). Write them as noun/verb past tense statements (e.g. budget reviewed, plan created, next steps identified). Doing this brings greater focus and will reduce the time spent in meetings.
• If the meeting is an emergency or impromptu, always begin by determining the purpose for the meeting (more on that in a minute).
• For more advice on this check out the sample agenda Bonus Byte.

Have the right people in attendance.

• Use zero-based planning. Start with a blank sheet of paper and look at your desired out-comes. Decide from those who need to be there.
• Once you have invited people, tell them why they’ve been invited. This step helps them be better prepared, more engaged and more committed to results.
• Tell people why you haven’t invited them. Once you take this approach you may find yourself not inviting people you “always” invited. That is great, and they will hopefully be happy they don’t have to attend another meeting, but if you don’t tell them why they aren’t invited they may wonder, be concerned or have the wrong impression. Communi¬cate your reasons and logic and they will likely be thrilled.

Create meeting rules.

• You may call these ground rules or they may be the norms you always follow. Whether formal or informal, make them common knowledge.
• Encourage everyone to hold each other jointly accountable for these “rules.”
• Have a process for sharing the rules with new people joining the team or meeting — and strongly consider reviewing them before each meeting.

Establish clearly defined roles.

• Make sure everyone knows the expectations of each of the roles.
• Consider rotating the roles to allow a freshness to the meeting and as a tool for developing people’s skills.

Document decisions and action steps.

• Schedule time at the meeting’s end to go over action items, making sure there is an owner and an expected timeline on each item.
• Hold people accountable to achieving/completing those action items.
• Review previous action items at the start of the next meeting to generate that accountability.

Balance the process, results and the relationships.

• As a leader you are likely most focused on a result, which is understandable. However, if you don’t consider process and relationships in addition to the results, you may get poorer results or the team’s results in the future might be hampered.
• If the meeting is on a complex, important or emotionally charged issue, consider a neutral facilitator. A skilled facilitator can help keep a balance between results, process and relationships which will lead to better results, and allow you to participate more fully in the meeting itself.

Lots of things happen in meetings — some of them even helpful!

While most everyone has horror stories about meetings, there also are far too many examples of meetings that, while not awful, are far from effective. One of the reasons for these less-than-stellar experiences is that meetings aren't often a place where decisions are made effectively — or even made at all.

Meetings, of course, aren't the only place where decisions can and should be made, but in the context of meetings is one way to talk about how decisions can be made. That discussion must start with the leader. The leader must consciously (better) or unconsciously (far too often) determine how a decision for any specific situation will be reached. The basic choices are:

1. An independent decision — one made by the leader alone. These decisions may be announced at a meeting, but by definition they don't require any input from others; a meeting isn't required to make them.
2. A decision with input — the leader wants input from others before making the decision; a perfect reason for a meeting.
3. A collaborative decision — more than just a bit of input, in this approach the group deliberates on the facts and other factors before a decision is made.
4. A consensus decision — a decision where the leader themselves isn't making the decision, but truly the full group comes to the decision collectively.

Each of these decision making types, including all of the nuanced versions of them, are valid and valuable in the right situation.

The rest of this article is designed to help you choose the best approach for your situation. Your answers to these questions will help you create better and more open decision making processes, and in the meantime help you create more effective and productive meetings.

But first, a caveat:

If you have already decided which direction to go, or which course of action to take, do NOT ask for input.

It damages trust, wastes people's time and is a dangerous manipulation.

Read on knowing that the questions below assume your decision making intentions are genuine and without thought of manipulation of other people.

How fast must this decision be made?

If the building is on fire, you don't need to call a meeting or get people's input into the best way to leave. It's an extreme example; however, some decisions don't require input or a meeting. In these cases, make a unilateral decision, communicate it effectively and get on with it!

Who has the information needed to make the best decision?

The people the information are the people who should be consulted, inside or outside of a meeting. This helps you determine not only how to make your decision, but who to invite to the meeting. If their input can be received independently, then a meeting may still not be needed.

Who needs to be engaged in the conversation?

The more engagement, input and ownership that is required, the more likely that a decision with greater collaboration is required. Again, your answer to this question informs you on who to invite to the meeting and what to communicate to them about their role in the meeting. If you want their thoughts, help them come to the meeting prepared to give them.

How important is the buy-in or commitment of others to the success of the decision?

This is similar to the previous question, but goes beyond it in an important way.

• How big of a decision is this?
• How will people's work and lives be impacted?

The larger the impact, the longer the repercussions and overall the bigger the decision, the more input you may want people to have. People will buy into decisions when they have had more true input into them - even if the final decision isn't the one they would have made independently. Yes, more time will be involved; the balance between time and the importance of the input is the big consideration here. Important note — re-read the caveat before deciding to gain lots of input. If you have already decided...  don't go here.

What is the trust level amongst the team members and with the leader?

Simply put, if trust is high, more decisions can be made with less input (as long as the right information is considered). At the same time, if trust is low or non-existent engagement will be more difficult. When this is true, as a leader you have bigger concerns than just how you make decisions, yet how you make them will affect the future trust between you and your team.

These five questions will help you make more effective decisions by focusing first on how you will reach the decision, instead of only focusing on the decision itself.

Use these questions as a leader, and then once you are clear, let the team know how the decision will be made. Let them know if you want their input or not, and if so, how engaged in the decision making process you need them to be.

Taking these steps will help everyone be clearer and feel better about the decisions that get made.

Oh, and you will have more productive meetings too.

Two notes/points of information before we jump right in:

1. This Bonus Byte comes from a ChangeThis Manifesto I wrote several years ago. You can learn more about this great service here.
2. This is longer than your average Bonus Byte. That’s OK. Creating and nurturing effective teams is one of the most important things you can do as a leader.

Dr. Robert Atkins made a living and created a cultural phenomenon teaching people to reduce their intake of carbs. In a strange way, team building efforts have taken this advice unknowingly, and this professional diet is ill-advised.

The books listed here are some of the best I know of for understanding conflict and conflict resolution.

• Leadership and Self-Deception (The Arbinger Institute)
• The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict (The Arbinger Institute)
• Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (Patterson, Grenny, McMilllan, & Switzler)
• Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior (Patterson, Grenny, McMilllan, & Switzler)
• Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (Stone, Patton, & Heen)
• Negotiation Genius: How to Overcome Obstacles and Achieve Brilliant Results at the Bargaining Table and Beyond (Malhotra & Bazerman)
• Conflict Resolution (Dana)
• Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader: How You and Your Organization Can Manage Conflict Effectively (Runde & Flanagan)
• The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable (Lencioni)
• Courage: The Backbone of Leadership (Lee & Elliot)

The conflict escalation cycle (From Bud to Boss Figure 37.1), gives perspective on why conflicts escalate:

The challenge with conflict is often the emotional implication of our actions, reactions, and subsequent interpretations of actions and reactions. Conflict is a dynamic situation with many possible causes, scenarios and outcomes.

When you understand the conflict cycle, the implications of people interpreting other people’s words and actions as a threat, and what you can do to counteract the tendencies, you can act in ways that deescalate rather than escalate conflicts.

The opposite of the conflict escalation cycle is the de-escalation cycle (From Bud to Boss Figure 38.1)

The key to making the descalation cycle work is to act in ways that show the other person that you are not a threat to them.

In From Bud to Boss, we proposed that you ask yourself this question prior to reacting:

Did the other person mean that action or comment the way that I took it?

The point behind this question is to stop you from reacting in a negative way that continues to escalate the conflict.

Here are some other thoughts to help you act in ways to break the conflict escalation cycle:

• Listen until they finish speaking. Resist the urge to interrupt.
• Pause before you respond. Think about what you just heard, and respond calmly.
• Ask for clarification – “If I understood you correctly, your concern is _______. Is that correct?”
• Reflect back what you heard – “It sounds like you are frustrated. Am I hearing you correctly?”
• Acknowledge their emotion – “I can certainly understand how that would be frustrating.”
• Apologize – “I am sorry that I said/did that.” – or – “I am sorry that I came across that way.”
• Clarify your perspective or intention – “I had no intention to _________.” – or – “I understood  that you wanted ___________ by Tuesday.”
• If they say something positive about you, thank them and draw attention to it – “Mary, thank you for recognizing my efforts on the project.” – or – “Mary, I appreciate that you noticed that I got the report to you by the deadline.” (Even people who are angry and venting their frustration will often say at least one positive thing about you in the middle of their venting. Focusing their attention on what they like about you can have a deescalating effect.)

In many cases, you can mix-and-match these approaches.

Remember that your goal in the interaction is to create mutual understanding and clarity rather than to prove who is right or wrong.  For example, “I had no intention to ____________” will lose its impact if you add “I was only trying to _____________.” The second part tends to sound like a justification from the listener’s perspective, and it detracts from the clarifying power of the first part of the sentence.

The general process for resolving Level 3 conflicts when you are personally involved remains the same as we described in Chapter 38 of From Bud to Boss.

For this Bonus Byte, we have listed the steps of the process as a reminder, and we have added some additional thoughts to consider when you are one of the parties in the conflict.

Define the Conflict in Terms of Its Business Impact

This step remains essentially the same whether you are a leader-mediator or a party to the conflict with one exception – you have to be particularly careful how you define the conflict so that it does not sound to the other person like you are trying to corner them with your definition. We offer two thoughts to help in this process:

1. Be especially careful that your problem definition is phrased in a neutral, non-accusatory way. For example, “We don’t communicate very well” is a little more likely to trigger a negative response than “We both have information important to the outcome of this project, and it seems that information that one of us has does not always get to the other in time to meet project deadlines.”
2. Beware of the tendency many of us have to state problems with an anticipated solution built into the definition. For example, “Emails don’t get delivered and read in time to take action on them” pre-supposes that the only and best way to deliver information is email and that we need to fix the email process. Whereas, “Information is not getting where it needs to get in time for people to take action on it” opens the definition to allow a discussion about whether email is the best way to communicate on the specific issue.

Deliver an Invitation to Meet

The potential challenge with this step in a personal conflict is that the other person might decline your invitation (especially if you have no positional authority with them).

You will likely need to work a bit harder to sell the invitation when you are personally involved.

Remember that there may be some anger or resentment that you will have to overcome to get the meeting. If he is angry, let him vent his anger a bit before you push for a meeting.  When you sell the meeting, remember the tips we offered about using DISC to communicate most effectively. Appeal to his needs in your invitation, and you increase the odds that he will accept it.

Decide on a Mutually Agreeable Time and Place to Meet

Remember to find a quiet, neutral place where you are not likely to be interrupted to meet. If at all possible, avoid meeting in either person’s office or work space.

Discuss the Problem to Seek a Resolution Plan

In this case, you will act as both the mediator and the involved party. In the meeting opening, you will need to restate the problem that you are there to solve and the meeting ground rules:

• You agree to stay engaged until the time is up or the problem is solved
• You are there to discuss solutions. Neither person can use their position to threaten the other as a result of the discussion.

Remember to notice and positively comment on any positive statement she offers.  Examples of positive statements can include:

• Offering a solution you can accept
• Acknowledging your perspective
• Some type of positive comment about you as person
• An apology
• A willingness to take at least partial responsibility for the problem causing the conflict

If you notice these, or any other comments that move you closer to positive energy and a solution, acknowledge or thank her for what she said. Your acknowledgement might sound like:

• John, thank-you for recognizing my work on the project.
• Mary, thank-you for acknowledging my point on…
• Jerry, it sounds like we are in agreement on this point…
• Tom, I can see your point on…
• Sue, I can see how you would have that perspective on…

Document the Plan

This step is not much different from when you are the leader-mediator.

The first step in resolving a workplace conflict is: Define the Conflict in Terms of Its Business Impact

While this step sounds simple in concept, it can often be difficult to do. Many times, people see conflicts in terms of their symptoms or in terms of character traits of the people involved in the conflict rather than in terms of their impact on the business or the organization. As a result, people define workplace conflicts like this:

• They just don’t like each other.
• They don’t know how to communicate.
• John is rude.
• Mary is lazy.
• Jim speaks too loudly.

To improve the odds of successfully resolving workplace conflicts, Kevin and I suggest that you dig beneath the surface to define the problem in terms of its impact on business or organizational results. Well defined conflicts might look something like:

• Customer service call times are too long.
• Information is not reaching project managers in time for them to effectively manage contractor relationships.
• We failed to close enough new contracts this quarter.
• Computer support response times are frustrating customers.
• Our group productivity is down from last year.

To find the way to define a conflict in terms of its business impact, evaluate the interaction between the involved parties and look for how their interaction dysfunction or breakdown leads to:

• A decrease in productivity – fewer parts per hour, longer processing time, etc.
• A reduction in quality – poor quality control results, increased reject rate, etc.
• A negative impact on customers – call response time, order fulfillment time, etc.
• Lost sales – customers hang-up before being spoken with, information is not delivered to sales person prior to meetings, etc.
• An increase in expenses – rearrangement of work processes to work around the conflict, extra processing or testing costs, greater product return rate, etc.

It might take some time to work through this step. In many cases, you could legitimately define a conflict in multiple ways, and that is okay. It is better to identify multiple different ways to state the problem caused by the conflict so that you can choose the best way to position the resolution discussion.

The key to making the conflict resolution process work starts with finding the best way to define the conflict.  A well defined conflict often reduces the defensiveness of the involved parties and helps to align them towards working on a problem that they can both agree upon.

After you have defined a conflict, it’s time to invite the involved parties to a meeting to discuss ways to resolve it. Remember that your objective is to invite them in a way that brings them willingly rather than grudgingly to the table.

A well thought out conflict definition statement will help in this process, and there are some additional factors to consider for maximizing the odds that the invitation gets your desired results (two willing parties at a conflict resolution discussion).

We gave a few examples of an invitation in Chapter 38 of From Bud to Boss. Here are the thoughts behind those examples so that you can use the thoughts to craft your invitation statement. The invitation...

• Is objective – It is about solving the problem rather than about the fixing people
• Includes both people – It is clear that both people will be at the meeting (no surprises)
• Asks for their input about when and where to meet (within reason)

When you make the invitation, you might have to sell it a bit to encourage people to come to the meeting voluntarily. If at all possible, avoid using language that will sound like you are demanding that they come to a meeting.

In the “sales” process, remember the behavior style of each person. For example, if they have a predominantly…

• Dominant style – talk about getting better results, making things happen, and solving problems
• Inspiring style – talk about getting their input, hearing their perspective, and understanding their feelings about the problem
• Supportive style – talk about helping your customers or the team, making a difference for people around them, and getting their help
• Cautious style – talk about getting their thinking, improving the process, and reducing inefficiency.

As you make the sale, beware of any language that positions the conflict as their fault. Your goal is to get them focused on solving a business problem with you and another co-worker rather than on how they will defend their perspective, behaviors, or approaches in the meeting.

For additional insights on this topic, you can see the Bonus Byte How to Break the Conflict Escalation Cycle (keyword – cycle breaker).

The four psychological pressures exerted by the 5D’s conflict resolution process are:

• Catharsis — giving people a chance to vent their frustrations so that they are heard and understood by others.
• Conciliatory reflex — the tendency to withdraw an attack when the person who is perceived as a threat withdraws the perceived threat.
• Desire for peace — few people can maintain an elevated state of anger when they are face-to-face with the person with whom they are in conflict. Most people would prefer to be at peace with others.
• Fatigue — people get physically tired when they discuss emotional issues and the fatigue leads to a willingness to resolve.

The nature and design of the 5 D’s process creates an environment for the last two pressures to bear on the conflict.

Here are some practical steps you can take to consciously apply the first two psychological pressures to urge conflicts towards resolution.

If you are personally involved, you can:

• Listen a lot and speak a little.
• Stay objective. Use assertive communication strategies to speak about behaviors objectively and to explain their emotional impact on you without lapsing into criticism, sarcasm, or judgment. (More on this in the Bonus Byte using the keyword “Assertive”)
• Take responsibility for your actions, and verbally acknowledge when they take responsibility for theirs.
• Look for and offer solutions that both honor their viewpoint and your concerns.
• Apologize if your behaviors created a negative impact on them. Remember to apologize for your words or actions rather than for their feelings. (“I’m sorry that I said that.” is better than “I’m sorry you felt that way.”)

If you are serving as a leader-mediator, you can:

• Listen a lot and speak a little.
• Clearly state the ground rules before the meeting begins.
  • No one walks out before time is up or resolution is reached.
  • No threats or aggression allowed.
• Encourage the parties to speak with each other rather than “make their case” to you. Face-to-face is often the best positioning. Remember to consider the DISC behavior styles of the two parties. In some cases, face-to-face is too aggressive for one party or the other. In this case, you can adjust physical positioning while still encouraging personal interchange rather than appealing to you.
• Notice and verbally acknowledge any positive comment offered by either party about the other party.  For example, “John, thank you for noticing that Mary is a hard worker.” — or — “John, thank you for accepting responsibility for how your behaviors impacted Mary.”
• Listen for the emotion behind each person’s comments. Reflect back what you hear. For example, “Mary, it sounds to me like you are frustrated. Is that right?”
• Encourage complete disclosure. For example, “Can you tell me more about that?”
• Resist the urge to force either person to see or acknowledge a point.
• After the initial venting, quickly direct the discussion towards future actions and resolution and away from continuing to revisit the past. For example, “What can we/you/John do to avoid this result in the future?” As a general rule, it is better to ask each person what he/she can do rather than what the other person can do. That’s a general rule, not a hard-and-fast rule.

While it is possible that a conflict returns because the conflict resolution plan did not adequately address the root cause of the conflict, the most likely reason is that one or both of the involved parties failed to comply with the resolution plan.  If one of the parties does not comply with the resolution plan he has failed to live up to a valid behavioral commitment.

As the supervisor involved in the resolution process, the behavioral commitment people make while developing the conflict resolution plan is made to you at least as much as it is made to the other party. So, if she fails to live up to a commitment she made to you, you have a performance management issue rather than a conflict resolution issue.

In addition, since your conflict definition statement was about business or organizational impact, his failure to follow the resolution plan has a defined, negative impact on the business or organization.

In other words, it’s time to initiate the steps we outlined in the coaching section to help your team member correct her behaviors. If coaching does not lead to the desired behaviors, then you can move to implement your organization’s disciplinary process. (Remember to include your supervisor and/or your Human Resources contact in any decisions that lead to discipline.)

Many people view forgiving as something that they do for the other person. I hold a different perspective.

Forgiving is something that you do for you.

Yes, an apology can be a powerful tool for easing another person’s anger and for de-escalating a conflict, and this value is second to its value to the person who offers forgiveness.

Harboring negative feelings towards another person does nothing to fix the situation and does much to damage the relationship. These negative feelings actually give the other person power over the person who is unwilling to forgive. If you want to be a victor and claim control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, then forgive the other person in order to let go of the negative feelings and the harm they do to you and your psyche.

One misconception about forgiving comes from a tendency of some people to confuse forgiving and forgetting. You can forgive a person and still remember the impact their actions had on you. You can let go of the negative emotional response and choose not to interact with or trust that person in the future.  You can distance yourself from a harmful person without continuing to harbor emotional poison towards them, and, in most situations, this is an unnecessary step. Most of the time, you can forgive and move on without worrying about the forgetting part.

Another common challenge with forgiving is that it is a sign of weakness. On the contrary, the power to forgive lies totally within you. To use it is to exercise your power. As Mahatma Gandhi said,

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Forgiving is a decision to release negative emotions so that you can let go of the past and focus on the future.

In this Bonus Byte, I have included a quick review of what Kevin and I wrote in From Bud to Boss.

Let’s recall the communication continuum from passive communication on the left to aggressive communication on the right. The goal in assertive communication is to find the middle ground between the two.

Then, let’s review the rules for assertive communication:

• Use ‘‘I’’ statements.
• Focus only on behaviors.
• Keep your responses short and focused.
• Monitor your tone of voice.
• Watch your nonverbal messages.
• Listen!
• Maintain eye contact.
• Respect the other person.

For example:

“When you (their behavior), I feel/felt (your feeling/interpretation).”

The last rule – respect the other person – is the foundation of assertive communication. To make this concept work, remember the concept of unqualified respect – respect you give to another person without expecting or waiting for them to behave in a way that earns respect. Unqualified, or unearned, respect is both difficult and critical to apply in your efforts to communicate assertively.

In addition to the assertive communication rules, here are some general concepts to remember as you work to communicate assertively.

• Listen first. Speak second.

• They don't have control over you. Don't give it to them.
  • You might be angry or hurt. They did not make you angry or hurt. Remember to own your emotions.

• More questions and fewer statements.
  • Beware of “why” questions!

• Avoid jumping to conclusions.
  • Assume misunderstanding rather than bad intent.
  • They are not “crazy” (Negotiation Genius by Malhotra and Bazerman covers this really well.)
    • They don’t have all of the information you have
    • They have constraints that you don’t understand
    • They have interests that you don’t understand

• Make it safe for the other person to speak.
  • Private matters stay private.
  • Discuss sensitive issues personally.
    • Face-to-face best
    • Video chat next best
    • Phone third best
    • Never by email!
• Let people “save face” – avoid direct challenges
• Sarcasm, verbal attacks, and gossip will seldom help.

• Take full responsibility for any miscommunication.
  • To make sure you are understood:  “Would you please say what you heard me say, so I can be sure that I was clear?”
  • To make sure you understand:  “Let me say back to you what I think you just said, so that I can be sure I understood you correctly…”

• Check your perspective. Beware of…
  • Pygmalion Effect
    • Remember that people often live up, or down, to your expectations of them. Expect the best.
• Your Reticular Activating System
  • We tend to see what we are looking for. Are you seeing the best or the worst in the other person?

In many situations, you will find the need for assertive communication when you are in a conflict or potential conflict situation. As a result, your emotions will likely be a little more elevated than usual. So, here’s a four step process you can use to chart your course towards applying the assertive communication rules and concepts.

Four Steps to Assertive Communication

1) Inquire

The Concept…

• Adopt a curious and wondering perspective rather than a judging one
• Ask questions
• Listen

In practice…

• Other than assuming bad intentions, what are some possible reasons this person is behaving in a way that you need to assertively address?

2) Acknowledge

The concept…

• Demonstrate that you understand their thoughts and feelings

In practice…

• What could you say to initiate a conversation with this person to better understand their perspective?
• How can you acknowledge their viewpoint without making excuses for or accepting a “bad” behavior?

3) Make your case

The concept…

• State your concern in a non-threatening, respectful way that moves you towards problem solving.

In practice, in this case, an example…

• “If I understand correctly, you think I am trying to block your progress and that I try to make you look bad in front of the team. After listening to what you had to say, I can see how you came to that conclusion. And I had no intention to do either of those things. When I introduce problems with a project, I’m thinking about its long-term success. I don’t mean to be a critic. I understand now how I might sound like one. Can we talk about how to address these issues so that my intentions are clearer and we make more progress together?”

4) Solve the problem

The concept…

• Work together to find a solution to your communication problem

In practice…

• What are some potential outcomes that would meet both your needs and theirs?

Assertive communication is about finding the balance between protecting your interests and respecting the other person’s. It takes work. It can be very challenging. And, it’s worth the effort when you want to maintain a healthy working relationship with the other person.

You've got your goals set. You're excited about them and the prospects of achieving them.

Whether those are true statements for you personally, for your team/organization or both, congratulations!

They're both necessary and important steps.

And, they aren't enough.

I'm guessing you've heard about visualizing your goals. Many tell me it seems silly, others think it doesn't help. Most don't understand how or why they should do it. By the end of this article I'll show you how to visualize in practical, and even in some fun, ways. And, you'll know why visualization is so important.

It's simple really. If you want to improve the chances of achieving your goal, and if you want to achieve it faster, then you need to visualize your success. I could give you tons of technical reasons why this is true, but for now, this should be reason enough: You are more likely to get your goals (and get them faster) with visualization.

With that in mind, here are five specific ways you can visualize your goals individually or as a group (if it's a group goal).

Apply the as-if principle.

This is partly about how you write the goal, stating it in present tense as if it has already occurred (i.e. "On February 15, 2011 I weigh xxx pounds"). It goes beyond that too. By writing the goal in that way, and thinking about it that way (more on that in a minute), you are actually helping your subconscious brain implant an image of you successfully completing the goal in your mind.

Make it (literally) visual.

You've probably heard if you want a new car to put a picture of that car where you can see it. That's a good start. Better: if the picture is of the exact model in the perfect color with you in the driver's seat. Best: if that picture was taken in your drive way (any dealer will happily help you make that happen). If you have team goals have a specific picture of what success is and post or place it where everyone can see it.

Do a complete mental rehearsal.

World class performers in all realms do this — because it works. And you can too. Close your eyes and image everything you will be seeing, feeling, smelling, hearing and tasting when you have achieved your goal. The more vivid you can make it and the more sensory details you include, the more it will help you implant the vision in your mind. While this might seem a bit challenging at first, with practice you will find it both fun and valuable.

Write a story.

When compared to the complete mental rehearsal, the idea of a story might seem easier.

The best answer? Do both! Write your story like a journalist would describe the results of your successful goal attainment. Write it with quotes from you and others. Like any great story remember to include the facts and details of your success.

Review, remind and re-energize.

This is the turbo charger for the other four. Doing each (or all) of the other four strategies is great. But doing them once will have limited value.

• Every time you review or re-read your "as-if" goals you are further implanting that vision (reread them often).
• When you have the pictures, place them where you can see them often — a digital image on your phone or computer, on your bathroom mirror, on your refrigerator, etc.
• Once you have created your mental rehearsal, replay it in the theater of your mind often — for your most prized goals, do it every day. Making this a habit is an incredibly powerful strategy.
• Once you have written the story, read it again. And again. And again. Make it more vivid like a good editor would. Read it until you can almost recite it.

These strategies may seem strange or unusual. The reality is that they are unusual to most people — but not to the most effective goal achievers. If you want to achieve more — faster, these five strategies will help you.

Open your eyes and look at the bright future you can create!

Here is a piece of good news — there are hundreds of books, websites and other resources that teach systems for setting goals. And the better news is that most, if not all of them, will work (if you do the work needed to make them work).

The bad news — one piece of the goal setting puzzle many of these systems don't tackle, or do so inadequately, is the issue of goal size.

Too often this important component is relegated to one simple comment like "make them realistic" or "believable" or "a stretch."

This brief article is meant to help you get a clearer grasp on sizing your goals — or finding the proper "Bigness Balance" as I like to call it.

Perhaps this is why I am asked questions about goal size whenever the topic of goal setting and goal achievement comes up with a Client or in a workshop setting.

What follows are six questions to ask yourself about your goals to help you determine if you're experiencing your proper Bigness Balance. For the most part, only you (or those involved in the goal's achievement) can pick the proper size for your goal. These questions will challenge you and give you more guidance than "make your goals realistic."

Six Questions to Ask

As a part of any goal setting exercise, after you set your target, ask yourself these six questions. Your answers will help you determine if you have the right target or if you need to adjust it.

How does this goal relate to my purpose?

When you align your goals with your purpose, mission or big why, you set yourself up for greater success. Once the answer to this question is yes, consider if it moves you far enough, fast enough.

How much does this goal stretch my thinking?

One point of a goal is to help you think creatively about reaching your destination. If the goal is easily achievable by methods you already know, is that the right target?

Does the goal change the questions I will ask myself?

This one is related to the last one. If you set a big goal it forces you to ask completely different questions and forces you to challenge your assumptions. This piece of the exercise is where breakthroughs come from.

How much pride or satisfaction will achieving this goal create?

Satisfaction, pride and confidence are powerful motivators and sustainers of activity and effort. Does your current goal target drive these feelings?

As you see the world today, what are the odds of achieving this goal?

Your answer is an effective way to help you judge the bigness balance. If the odds are too high or too low, consider an adjustment.

Will your world/situation be significantly different or better when you achieve this goal?

If not, the goal isn't big enough yet.

There are six questions to ask yourself about your goals. But the title promises seven ways you ask?

Worry not, the last point might be the most helpful of all...

Your Sizing Tool

Your answer to these six questions may still leave you saying, "yes, but . . . I still don't know the right size for my goal or the best target to aim for." My suggestion for that dilemma is to set three goals, not one.

To be more specific, for each goal, consider setting a range of targets like this:

Target A

This is a perfect world scenario, I/we absolutely want it goal. It's a big stretch and might be, with today's thinking, out of reach. These goals have been labeled by Jim Collins (and others) as a BHAG — a Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal.

Target B

This is a big, but potentially believable goal. It's probably much closer to the target and I'm guessing one you might have thought of originally as a stretch goal before. It is big, and a stretch; however, you probably have an idea today of how you might be able to reach it.

Target C

This is the comfortable goal, otherwise known as the minimum acceptable target. Below this level of achievement would definitely be a disappointment, and perhaps, a failure.

By now you realize my bias about the Bigness Balance, that everything else being equal, you will be more effective with a bigger goal than a smaller one. However, whatever size goal you set, you will do it more effectively and confidently using the questions and tool outlined above.

I wish you great success. By using these tools, you are on the way to that success!

The form in the PDF download of the Bonus Byte is a way to help you define and plan for reaching your goals. Planning in this way will help you reach your goals faster and easier. If you have lots of goals, fill out one form for each goal. If this is the case be realistic on your time lines and remember to focus on just one or two goals at a time.

Use this information to help you fill in the goal planning template that you can print from the PDF document.

Goal

Write your learning goal statement as a statement of fact. Write it as if you have already accomplished the goal. Writing it in present tense sets the desired outcome more clearly in your mind.

Key words in the Picture

After visualizing yourself with the goal achieved (and enjoying the results and benefits), write down some of the key words from your visualization to help you recapture the picture anytime.

Benefits

Listing the benefits you will gain, both personally and professionally, will help you stay focused and reminded of the value of your learning goal. Remember to think of short term benefits and those benefits you might enjoy for a long time as well.

Action Steps

Action steps need to be specific and listed chronologically. Think of reaching your learning goal as a project and these are the steps in your project plan. Put realistic (though "stretch") completion dates on each step. After completing the full planning sheet, look at your resources and barriers, and make sure they are accounted for in your action steps.

Resources/Levers

Consider what you'll need for the completion of this goal. Whose help will you need? What information will you require? How will you get all of this information and knowledge? List all the resources that you will need here - even if you don't know how you will get them at this point.

Problems

Barriers need to be identified now. Why? Because once they are identified and acknowledged you are on the way to overcoming them. By writing them down now they are less likely to throw you off track when they do arise, and you'll be better prepared to overcome them.

Success

You must measure your progress! Setting up measures will allow you to see your progress and to make sure you know what success looks like. Don't make these measures too difficult, or too hard to track, but do have a way to chart your progress. These measures will track progress and help you know when the goal is reached.

As a leader you know results and productivity are higher when people are committed to their work. You also know higher levels of commitment or engagement also increase job satisfaction, safety performance and focus while reducing on-the-job stress and turnover.

Commitment, engagement or buy-in — whatever you want to call — it's a good thing.

One sure-fire way to increase all those things is for people to feel ownership of something. When people feel ownership for problem solving, ownership of the ideas created in a meeting or ownership in their personal or organizational goals they are working towards greater success will occur.

The question you might ask is how do you do that?

It is an important question, and I'm glad you asked. There are at least nine things you can do to improve the likelihood of ownership by others. These are listed as steps because, generally speaking, this is the order you would do them in any situation.

The Nine Steps

Be genuine.

If you have already decided on a course of action, or if the goal has already been set, please don't ask for people's input. These steps are not meant to manipulate. In fact, if you try to manipulate, none of this will work. If that is your intention, please stop reading now; it will be a waste of your time.

State your intention (sometimes).

Most of the time it is a good idea to tell people what you are doing. "I want your input and ideas before we go any further. While I have some ideas, I want to hear yours too." If trust is high enough, that might not be needed, you may simply ask for input taking careful note of what is being said.

Be prepared.

Don't shoot from the hip. Think about the goals or ideas beforehand. You have a valid and valuable perspective into whatever is the matter at hand, be ready to share your insights when the time is right.

Give context, not opinions.

Your perspective is important. Set the stage, talk about boundaries (if they exist), and tell people you want to hear their ideas. Context and boundaries will be very helpful, as will clarification of the expectations of the overall process. Even if people don't like the boundaries you set, it is better to set them then to have people feel like you delivered a "gotcha" when an unstated boundary is crossed.

Talk about why.

This relates to context, but is so important it must be singled out. Help people understand why the ideas are necessary. Help them see the value in the effort and their ideas. When people agree with a why, ownership is heightened significantly!

Ask.

Yup, ask for their input. Get their ideas. Write them down. Show them you value those ideas. Ask follow up and clarifying questions (not questions that are seen as critical or belittling). People won't argue with their own input, and their input constitutes the first part of ownership. Ask!

Shut up and listen.

I'm guessing this is the behavior you must work on most. Once you have asked for their ideas you must shut up and listen. Don't add your ideas. Don't agree with some (that you have already thought of) and ignore others. Too many leaders talk too much in too many settings. Resist the urge always, especially when you want to build commitment and ownership. Shut up!

Think "and".

Leave your "but" mindset at home. When you follow up someone's idea with a "but", you have sent a powerful message - and not one that is conducive to ownership by others.

Summarize and add as needed.

When the group has exhausted its list of ideas and you have prompted them again, only then can you comment. If you have prepared, perhaps you have ideas they haven't considered. Now you can mention them. Perhaps as you hear their ideas you get other new ones — commend the team for the inspiration and then add them too. People expect you to have ideas; it is just that if you go first all the ideas will seem to be yours.

Will these nine steps guarantee that your team will feel 100% ownership and commitment to what is said?

Unfortunately, no.

However, using these steps will significantly increase the engagement, belief and, yes, ownership people feel in the ideas, goals and next steps created through this process.

Think about a situation, big and complex or even simpler and safer, where you can apply these ideas. Once you determine the situation, try it! You'll be pleased with your results.